


Shadow Gets Arrested

by Jujus_island, LilyLane123, StupidRufus



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Amy wants sonic, Background Relationships, Bad Humor, Clubbing, Co-Written, Comedy, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Don't Read This, Everyone Is An Asshole, First In The Fandom, Guilty Pleasures, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied Sexual Content, Irony, Marijuana, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, New Writer, Not Serious, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Sad, Shadamy but for like one scene, Shadow is sad, Tags Are Hard, Team Dark (Sonic the Hedgehog) - Freeform, The Author Regrets Everything, cursing, good lord this is gonna be a trip, inna racecar bed, so bad its good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:14:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 23,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25078960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jujus_island/pseuds/Jujus_island, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyLane123/pseuds/LilyLane123, https://archiveofourown.org/users/StupidRufus/pseuds/StupidRufus
Summary: Shadow gets arrested, antics ensue as he tries to make it out of the legal hurdles of the justice system while his stupid friends create more problems. This is basically a sonic sitcom but shit, you've been warned.
Relationships: Avatar | Custom Hero (Sonic Forces)/Infinite (Sonic the Hedgehog), Knuckles the Echidna/Rouge the Bat, Scourge the Hedgehog/Silver the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog
Comments: 24
Kudos: 29





	1. At The Club

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic on AO3 and I haven't written any fanfics in like 2 years+ and this one is a Crackfic but I try to write it serious enough so it still feels like the characters kinda not really. I wrote this with and my brother but I wrote most of it. I am also dyslexic so sorry if there are any weird spelling mistakes. This isn't meant to be taken 100% seriously but I am always open to suggestions and constructive criticism <3.
> 
> Later edit: This goes deeper into crackfic territory the more you read. If that isn't your thing chapter one can be read as a one-shot. If you just want to read silly shit and don't care about context, skip to chapter 4.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow just wants to have a good night out with his best friends but it seems that won't be in his cards for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S It gets more Crack fic the more you read. The first chapter could be read as a one shot if that seems like too much. Also, everything is not meant to be taken seriously!It's all just for laughs.

Rouge cursed under her breath.”God are you fucking blind.” And she proceeded to pound on her horn. Shadow was in the passenger seat and looked over to her, laughing lightly under his breath and smiling a little while she wasn't looking. “Did you see that Shadow? He just fucking cut me off!”

Omgea’s red eyes suddenly flickered on and he commented on the situation as well “Correction, Rouge, you cut them off.”

“Well, he was in my way.”

Team Dark was headed to Stations Square’s hottest teen Club, since Rouge may not look like it, but she is only 18 and Robots can’t have IDs so they could lie and say he was created 19 years ago. But Shadow was an enigma, he claims to be 15 and he does act like the edgy emo kid who sits in the back of the cafeteria but wasn’t he created 50+ years ago? Well Rouge, the coordinator of tonight's activities decided this would be a bridge they could cross when they got there.

Rouge peeled into the next lane over. ”Finally, I hope the lines aren’t too long,” Rouge exclaimed waving a hand in the air. The jewels on her bracelet clinked against one another. Once they got there, they all filed out of the car and up to the door. Knuckles was the bouncer and smiles coolly at them, letting them cut to the front of the line.

"’Sup guys. Here for a nice night of clubbing? Go on in Rouge, I know you're 18."

"Thanks, Big guy," Rouge winks at him and heads just inside the door to wait.

"No problem Bat Girl. Hey, maybe we could go out, just the two of us sometimes?” The two of them continued their conversation well after Knuckles proposition. Both of them getting visibly flustered as the conversation went on. Shadows ear twitched in irritation. How long was he going to stand around waiting for them to stop flirting?

“Could you two please cut it out already?” Shadow said through gritted teeth.

“What’s wrong, cuckhog? Getting nervous the cops are gonna find you out?” Knuckles chuckled.

“Boys, boys, we can work this out,” Rouge said suggestively tugging on her form-fitting red cocktail dress to further expose her cleavage. She fluttered her eyes, showing off her red eyeshadow to match, as to imply a favor.

The two boys ignored her. “You’ve got some nerve saying that to the ultimate life form!” Shadow growled. Knuckles hardly suppress a laugh, and Shadow blushes and backs up out of embarrassment.

“Sorry Shadow, your title doesn’t mean shit to me. I may be the ‘Guardian of the Master Emerald’ but here I’m just another guy.” Knuckles shakes his head.

“You’re just trying to make a fool out of me to impress Rouge and get in her pants.” Shadow retorted with a grin. Knuckles balled his fists and Rouge looked taken aback in shock. Omega has no expression as he is a robot but even he is surely shocked by this statement. 

“Whoa, what? Okay, bring it down, Shadow.” Knuckles said with a hint of shock in his voice.

"That's what you get for testing the ultimate lifeform!" Shadow growled as the manager walked out. 

“Hey Knuckles, is this dick giving you a hard time? Wheres your ID” The manager glared at him and pulled out his phone. He was a tall gangly white dude obviously with a stick up his ass. Shadow handed it over.

“This says you are over 50, you know that this place is a Teen Club right Perv? 13-19 year olds only.” Says the manager

“I’m 15” Says Shadow

“No your 50”

“No, I’m 15” Shadow insists 

“So you got your self a fake ID huh. If you don’t leave I’m calling the police.” He says

Rouge tugged on Shadow’s arm suggesting that it’s time to go.”What? I’m not going anywhere!” 

“Well, that leaves me no choice.” And with that statement, he pulled out his phone and dialed 911. 

“Is it because I’m black?” Shadow threatened.

“Shadow, I don’t think it's the same for Mobians and Humans. The racial conflict...”Omega starts but the Manager cuts him off and says 

“Well, what if it is? Either way, you were told to leave!”The Manager yells. Knuckles looks on in discomfort, he tries to look at Shadow with apologetic eyes but it fell on deaf ears, or rather eyes.

“Shadow, we gotta go.” Rouge exclaims in a hushed tone.

“You aren't going anywhere.” The cops pull up beside the group with the driver's seat window rolled down. The cops park and exit the vehicle. The two cops were intimidating with their guns in their holsters and a scowl on their faces. Shadow didn’t want to admit it to himself but he was nervous. He swapped his usual Rocket boots for a pair of Black and Red Yeezy Boosts because he figured they might not let him in the club with literal Rockets on his feet, and he left his chaos emerald at home because he didn’t want anyone to get their grubby hands on it. The cops came over to him and grabbed him by the arms, but he tries to break free, kicking one of the cops in his crotch with his black Yeezy boots. Whatever Nervousness he had before, it was all gone now. Even should the world turn on him Shadow will fight like he always has.

“Put your hands behind your head!” One of the two officers yell but Shadow moves to take off his inhibitors when suddenly an officer tackles him to the ground. Once he was down on the ground, another officer snapped on some handcuffs around his wrists and it clinched against his inhibitors. He wished he left those at home instead of his chaos emerald.

“You are resisting arrest!” The officer yells in Shadow’s ear. He was so close he could smell the garlic and cream chips on his breath which made him gag. 

“What? No I’m not!” Shadow exclaims back.

“That’s what they all say. You have the right to remain silent.” And he started to pick shadow off the ground. It's quite easy to pick him up as he’s only 77 pounds. He dropped him in the back seat and took off, leaving Rouge and Omega to watch him depart. Shadow shed a single tear as he watched his friends both wave solemnly. 

This is not what Maria would have wanted...


	2. The Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow is left alone in his cell, well not really alone but he feels alone until some familiar faces pay him a visit.

Shadow stared out of the backseat window with his long black nose pressed up against the glass. You would think that he would be more mad then sad but yet he was feeling depressed. He always considered himself a good guy that sometimes did bad things but now? He was arrested. What would Maria think? It didn’t take long for the car to stop at the police station. They led him to where they took mugshots. His anger was starting to return to him as they barked instructions at him. In his mugshots you could see his signature scowl. The cops made him take off his new Yeezys that he previously wanted to show off that night. “Hey! Careful with those!” Shadow demanded witch only prompted the officer to throw the shoes into a see-through tub marked ‘Robotnik, Shadow.’ 

Shadow had been in jail for about an hour now and it wasn’t the most interesting thing he could be doing. They had shoved him into his holding cell and hadn’t given him access to a lawyer or the phone. He was stuck in a proverbial limbo and had no way to break free yet. A cop entered the room pushing a big green crocodile. “Vector?” Exclaimed shadow.

“Shadow?” Vector responded in a similar fashion.”Oh look who has a friend.”The cop scoffed sarcastically. “Now you won’t be lonely.” 

“So, what got you in here?” Shadow asks. He preferred to be alone but at least he recognized Vector. 

“Uh..Detective business. You wouldn’t get it.” Vector said reluctantly.

“Okay, I guess,” Shadow said, he was disinterested as he is with most things.

“Oh, uh... You sure?”  
Shadow didn’t respond.

“Okay, I’ll tell you! I was at the store earlier today when I saw Vanilla and Cream the Rabbit. I don’t know if you're straight or not but Vanilla’s got a dump truck ass if you know what I mean. So I was staring at it and Cream thought I was staring at her so she yelled out stranger danger and the cops arrested me.” Vector said with his voice full of shame.”So how did you end up here?”

“The cops thought I was too dark and dangerous so they were looking for a reason to arrest me. So when I beat Knuckles in a verbal battle they took me in.” Shadow knew this was stretching the truth but he figured it wasn’t Vector’s business.

A few hours went by with not much substance. Shadow and Vector exchanged a few words here and there but they were never close to begin with so it didn’t dig deeper then pleasantries. He was busy lying down on the bench that was provided when he heard a voice he was all too familiar with.

“Hehe hey buddy! Long time no see!” It was a certain happy go lucky blue hedgehog.  
“Wow, I like your crocs!”A pink hedgehog remarked who followed sonic much to his dismay. This line coming from anyone else would come off sarcastic but coming from Amy she was trying to cheer Shadow up in her own way. The officers replaced his Yeezys with orange crocs but at least they had the decency to let him keep his socks on.  
“Knuckles and Rouge told us you got into some trouble so I set you up with your very own lawyer!” Sonic exclaimed.  
“And I came as emotional support.” Amy cheers.  
“Yeah, for me..” Sonic groans.

Shadow walked up from his bench to the bars that kept him from the outside world.

“Hey, what about me?” Vector wined. 

“Oh, uh... I’m sure Charmy and Espio are coming to rescue you.” Said Amy. 

“Yeah they better, I’m always the one paying rent! Besides I’m the brains of the Chaotix.”

An officer walked into the room. He dragged his feet across the floor, apparently, it's been a long shift.”Shadow you have been permitted a call with your Lawyer.” He said uninterested.”Hold out your hands.”Shadow obliged reluctantly and he was now cuffed. His number one rival sonic was watching him becoming the police officer’s bitch right before his eyes. The officer led the three hedgehogs out to the telephone. Sonic handed Shadow a strip of paper with a number written down with messy handwriting. Shadow typed it into a landline on the dingy grey wall.

“Hello? Mr. Shadow? This is your lawyer Mrs. Maria, I’ll be defending you for this case.” Spoke a soft Women’s voice.

“Maria?” Shadow said in the same fashion as he did in 2005’s Shadow the Hedgehog.  
“Yes, My name is Isabella Maria The Rabbit but I prefer you to call me Mrs. Maria.” She spoke noticeably harsher in tone. But Shadow did not pick up on this as he was too busy having thinking about his late friend Maria.  
“Hey, I’m Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog, our buddy Shadow is having a moment but I’ll take over until he’s done.”  
“Psst, Fuckin’ Mobians. They always introduce themselves the same way. I don’t run around calling myself ‘Jim Kerri the white person’.” Says an officer at the other side of the room moderating the hedgehogs.  
“Don’t talk to my darling sonic like that!” Amy yells.  
“Keep that attitude up and you’ll end up like your black buddy,” Retorted the officer.

Amy usually didn’t know when to stop but this time something deep inside her told her enough was enough. Shadow was now on the phone with the faker Maria. The lights in the room flickered and the Officer leaned against the wall. A handful of minutes passed and Shadow hung up the Phone.  
“My Court hearing is tomorrow Sonic, do you think you could bring me a suit and dress shoes?” Shadow says.  
“I can bring the suit but the fanciest shoes I have are my pair of Air Jordan 1 Low SE’s in Blue” Sonic replies.  
“Then that will have to do.”  
With that Shadow, Sonic and Amy said their goodbyes. Sonic and Amy headed into the cold dark night and shadow returned to his cell. He hated to admit it to himself but he was sad seeing them walk out.

He may have been with others but this was the loneliest he ever felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this starting to become more and more of a crackfic. I realized I haven't been very descriptive so I'm going to try to do it from now on. My brother Sonamy so I had to shoehorn her in here to establish that they are NOT into each other for him lmao. My sister wants to make Shadow gay, write in the comments if you think he should or shouldn't be and if he should who he should be with. I hope everyone is having fun reading this because that is its intended purpose. As always I appreciate feedback and will try to update often <3  
> P.S The Police are supposed to have 'Spongebob cops' logic where they arrest people for dumb shit


	3. Quite The Good Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come, Shadow has to face whats he's become. But this won't be easy considering who he's up against but he has his pals along for the ride.

Shadow’s shaking fingers straightened his tie. He was nervous. Real nervous. He wasn’t used to feeling so insecure but he wouldn’t let anyone know that. He was standing beside his lawyer Mrs. Maria The Rabbit in the public Courtroom. The room was adorned with professional photos along the walls and it smelled like faint perfume and old books. Sonic and the gang rushed over to Shadow. To say seeing everyone he’d ever known rushing in to see him go to court made him overwhelmed was an understatement. Maria the Rabbit tugged on the top buttons on his suit with her black gloves.  
“You never know what the Judge might be into. Sex appeal could be in your favor.”  
She unbuttoned the top buttons of his black suit to reveal his white chest hair. Awkwardness filled the air until Sonic said “Hey, Shads. Come with me!”

Sonic grabbed Shadow’s hand and led him a couple of feet away.

“Alright, Shadow,” Sonic began. “This is serious. Your future’s on the line, so let’s give ‘em what for. Remember all of your lines?”

“Even the one about disrespecting my Jordans?” asked Shadow. 

“Yeah, even that one. A world where people disrespect your Jordans is a world not worth living in, is it?”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Alright then! Let’s do this!”

The whole gang was already staring at them because Sonic was too dense to realize he was still in earshot. 

“You got this Shadow!” Said Tails, who wanted to tag along because he’s never been in a Courthouse before.

“You can win Shadow!” Exclaims Rouge.

“You can do it Shadow!” Says Amy.

“Come on, Shadow. Smack him!” Knuckles throws his fist up in the air to emphasize his point but he is met with a disapproving glare from Shadow.

“Why are you here? You’re partially to blame for me being stuck in this mess!” Shadow retorts.

“Hey buddy I was the one who-”

“Shadow it’s time to go.” Mrs. Maria interrupted Knuckles and Ushered Shadow into the courtroom. Her black heels clicked against the marble tile floor. She was a brown Rabbit who was short like the rest of the group. She had off-white markings and she wore a Black two-piece pants suit in a strange attempt to match Shadow’s black fur.

Shadow and Mrs. Maria sat at their table in the defense section. The rest of the visitors sat in the Public gallery. Even Silver and Blaze were present, they traveled from their dimension or the future depending on the timeline. Across from the table, Shadow sat at was the asshole manager sitting in the prosecution section waiting for the prosecutor. The Magistrate’s bench was currently empty. The Courtroom was immaculate, complete with marble floors and white paneled walls with paintings on it. The lighting was tiny chandeliers to bring the whole room together. This was too uptight for Shadow and his pals, he liked saying words like damn.

A door busted open behind the bench to reveal the one and only Dr. Ivo Robotnik, better known as ‘Eggman’, a nickname he came to endorse.

“Baldy nose hair!?” Sonic shouted in pure awe. “You’re the judge!?”

“That’s right Sonic!” He replied with the same energy in his voice as Sonic.

“Doctor?” Shadow Questioned.

“Looks like our favorite edgelord is in a bit of a pickle. Committing crimes as usual I see.” And with that Eggman parks his massive caboose in his designated chair.

“Look, Doctor, this is a first time offense!”   
Shadow and friends' conversation with Eggman devolves into a light argument until the doors of the courtroom swung open with so much force they slam into the walls. A horrible, noxious skunk-line smell wafts its way into the room. Several people cough uncontrollably at the sheer potency of it.

“Looks like you're done destroying the toilet!” Eggman comments.

“Yes, it was quite the good shit,” says the figure emerging from the doors.

“That’s- That’s Mephiles!” Amy gawks from the public gallery. “Mephiles the Dark!”

“You stand corrected, Amy.” he said. “I am now Mephiles the lawyer. I forgive you, though. It is only natural for you females to make mistakes.”

“Woah, nyat cool man!” No one could tell if Silver had a speech impediment or was just a weeb like Shadow. The others in the room nodded in agreement at Silver’s statement, it was common knowledge that Mephiles was a frequent visitor of incel forums. He was adorned with a grey suit and he was in his crystalline form. His eyes were bloodshot, why is any one’s guess.

“What’s that smell?” Yells Tails.

“I know that smell anywhere,” Comments Knuckles.

“Order in my court! Shame on you!” Judge Robotnik scolded.

“I’m so fucking high,” mumbles Mephiles under his breath.

Shadow hangs his head in shame. What has his life become?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This definitely my favorite so far, my brother and I were dying reading this! I hope everyone had as much fun reading this as we did writing this. The next chapter is going to be dramatic, to say the least.


	4. Dialogue Heavy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "battle" is on! But why won't anyone shut up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! The humor in this one is VERY JUVENILE (well the whole story is but this one more so than others). Its like one step away from fart and butt jokes. Anyways, can you tell I have no clue how a courtroom works? I don't like this chapter nearly as much as I like the last one but hopefully, you all like this one more. Also, as the title suggests, it is very dialogue hevy.

Everyone in attendance at Shadow’s court hearing was eager to start. With this cast of characters, anything is possible. Eggman gets up to address the crowd.

“Mephiles, you can go first. Please, would you state why we are here?” 

Mephiles awkwardly stumbles while trying to stand. He makes a point to crack his head in the most obnoxious way he can muster. “Your Honor… we are here today because edgy the Hedgy over here wanted to be a pedophile! So he threw a hissy fit and exposed himself for having a fake ID and he created a public disturbance by arguing with Nipples the Echidna and to top it all off he is lying about his age, probably to get in a young girl's pants.”

“Objection! All of that is nonsense! I am 15 and I have a real ID.” Shadow yells.

“Yeah, and I’m not ‘Nipples’, Mephiles the Fart.” Knuckles continues.

“Shut the fuck up all of you!” Eggman hollers. ”How the fuck did I get stuck with Team Fur affinity anyway.” 

The room is silent but only for a moment as you can hear sonic whispering to himself “Aww Yeah! This is happening!’ as he plays with his tech deck.

Eggman continues. “Mephiles your claim is false. Shadow’s ID is in fact real and he is 53, do you have any evidence to prove Shadow was lying about his age?”

“Yeah, I do.” Mephiles then burps out loud much to everyone’s annoyance.”I’m calling Knuckles to the stand.” 

“Lick My ass,” Knuckles says in protest.

Eggman dramatically slams down his fists onto the table. Causing Knuckles to flinch.

“God damn it, Knuckles! Get your two brain cells over here and sit your ass down.” Eggman yells.

“Knuckles, I know it's hard but it’s the law! You gotta do it!” Tails interjects.

Knuckles finally complies and moves towards the witness stand. He sits down with a thud and crosses his arms to show his displeasure with this situation.

“Knuckles was it? Did Shadow claim to be 15 years old?”

Now Knuckles and Shadow were never particularly close but he was never one to be a snitch. But then again he did take an oath with his hand on a real life bible and everything. He didn’t want to commit perjury or his ass would be in the same seat as shadow was now, still warm from his booty heat and everything.

“I’m no Christian! I don’t want to commit purgatory.”

“Knuckles it’s perjury, not purgatory and the book doesn't matter if you took an oath!” Blaze whispers from the gallery to Knuckles.

“Shut up no tits! Real women have all the curves and none of the rights!” Mephiles retorts.

“Hey, down't say that abowt her!” Silver yells across the room.

“Don’t you have sex dolls to take out to dinner, little boy?” Mephiles giggles.

“Mephiles, shut up! you're only an incel because I never gave you that crumb of cooch,” Rouge sneers.

“You go girl!” Amy exclaimed from the background. 

“All of you, Shut up! Knuckles is supposed to be speaking,” Eggman silences them. Somehow putting Eggman on that literal pedestal gave him some respect from the mobians. Not much, but enough to get them to shut up and listen to some extent.

“Books are stupid, Eggman! I don’t care about that bible!”

“God Damn it, Knuckles! No one cares, just answer the question. Did Shadow lie about his age or not?”

“Yes..” Knuckles mumbles. 

“Speak up!”

“Yes, okay! God...” Knuckles manages to spit out.

Shadow has a cocktail of disappointment and anger on his face. His red eyes give Knuckles his signature glare. Shadow realized this wasn't going to be easy.

“Thank you Knuckles. You can sit down and give your big brain a rest now,” Mephiles says with a smile on his mouthless face.

“Wait, before you sit. We still have one more claim to address. What was your experience fighting with Shadow?” 

“Your Honor Eggman, I was the bouncer at the club Team Dark was trying to enter. Me and Rouge were arranging some plans if you will.” Knuckles winked at his own statement. “...And Shadow got tired of standing around so we got a bit ‘heated’ if you will but nothing police-worthy.”

Knuckles’ manager gave him a look and that's when Knuckles remembered that he could lose his job.

“Fuck it. This is a matter of morals! Haven’t I already hurt this little hedgehog enough! If sticking up for a friend means losing my job, then so be it!” At the end of his public soliloquy, he gave the finger to his former manager and walked away.

“Knuckles, you red fuck! I tell you when to sit. Profess your love to Shadow another time,” Eggman hollers.

“I’m not into echidnas, they smell like weed and grapes,” Shadow pipes up from his seat.

“Thank you Shadow, very cool,” Tails giggles. “Hehe get it guys? Kanye amirite?”

“You’re honor,” spoke Mephiles. “I must drop a massive load on my porcelain throne once more. We are overdue for a recess, aren’t we?”

“Wow, I guess you’re right,” Eggman replied. “Recess, everyone. For our mental health, let’s have a recess. Please.”

Shadow felt that his mental health would never recover.


	5. The Pot Plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow and Omega go behind the scenes to discover the true intentions of the mysterious prosecutor.

Everyone forms a single file line and slowly shuffles out the front door into the hallway. Mephilies lumbers away from the group into the bathroom. “May God have mercy on that toilet…” Shadow thought. “In fact, let me relieve myself before Mephiles completely defaces it.” Shadow walks with purpose but, due to Sonic’s pair of Air Jordan 1 Low SEs he barely makes a sound. He enters the bathroom to not find the wretched smell of another man’s excrement but instead a waft of… skunk? Shadow tiptoes in not wanting to startle a skunk in fear they might spray on him but as he creeps closer to the stalls he sees smoke float out of the stall closest to the wall.

A raspy creepy man’s voice starts to cough. “I fucking clogged it again.”The voice was none other’s then Mephiles! Shadow creeps out of the bathroom. He could smell something fishy going on and it wasn’t Rouge. He sifted through the crowd looking for Omega, who was quite hard to find since he was such a shy robot. 

“Hey Omega, come with me. I have a plan.” Shadow and Omega creep into the Men’s restroom. “Okay, ready?” Shadow whispers. And with that he swings open the stall door to reveal Mephiles trying to shove Weed buds and wrapping papers into the toilet. But it was no use because there was way too much and the toilet started to clog.

“Omega! Now!” With that E-123 Omega snapped as many pictures as he could muster of Mephiles and his dubious deeds.

Mephiles crookedly turns to look back at them. “I see you betas have discovered my master plan.”

“What’s the meaning of this?” Shadow shouted back.

Mephiles grinned vilely and pulled down his fedora to cover his eyes in a mysterious manner. “You see, I needed to get rid of my weed before the cops found out. So I decided to burn all of it to get rid of it. However… Instead of becoming a man without weed I became something much greater.” Mephiles laughed wickedly and threw his fedora into the air.

“The highest man on Mobius!!”

“It’s not possible!” cried Omega.

“Dear god…” said Shadow. “Wait a minute, you don’t seem that high.”

“That’s just the thing, my inferior little simpling,” Mephiles sneered. “Since I was a wee lad I had built a tolerance to that sweet, sweet pot. Only now can I unlock it’s true potential.”

“Shadow… My body is 70% weed!”

“What are you going to do with that power?” Shadow said, frightened.

“I shall host the most dank Reddit Q&A of all time! I’ll have more karma than entire subreddits!”

Shadow thought to himself. Damn, I wish I was that cool...  
“Anyway, uh… I’ve gotta get back to the others.”

Mephiles looked off into the distance thoughtfully. “Go on, Shadow. Tell the world of my power. In the end it’s no use…”

Shadow escapes the men’s room along with Omega to join the rest of the group. “PU, Shadow. You don’t smell too great. What were ya doin’ in the bathroom?” Sonic remarked.

“What I do is none of your business, Sonic. Now where is my Lawyer?”

“Right here Shadow, are you ready? Thanks to you insisting you’re 15 and having only teenaged friends this is going to be a hard one to crack.” Said Mrs. Maria. 

“Maria!” Shadow exclaims almost exacerbated.

“Uh oh, I know what this means.”Rouge shrugs “You're going to need to give him a moment.”

On the other side of the room Mephiles emerges from the Restroom. 

“PU, Mephiles! you don’t-” Sonic starts.

“Save your spiel, blue rat! I’m not in a mood to be messed with, I got my Rainbow Dash fedora wet!”

Eggman makes his way to the group of biped animals, as he always does, meddling in their affairs despite being a human. “Since Mephiles is done destroying his anus, or other activities, it’s time to get back to business. Chop chop everybody.”

“The diameter of my anus is none of your business,” Mephiles remarked.

“As long as we are all stuck in this Courthouse it might as well be. Now go already!” 

Everyone returned to their seats, ready for round 2 of this madness.

Shadow sat full of dread and alone as ever. Would his pain ever end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet. I feel like the only people who enjoy this are me and my sibs but hey that's all that matters lol. Please don't take this too seriously! Its all meant to be ironic. We have a strange scents of humor.


	6. Ending a ARK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the final showdown between Shadow and Mephiles! Will Shadow be stuck in the clank forever?

Shadow walked in, his confidence returned. Something told him it was finally the moment he would defeat Mephiles the Fart. He had his allies beside him and his enemies even closer, on the other side.  
“Alright, cumstains, let's get this show on the road! Mrs...Maria...ohh.” Everyone knew about Shadow’s strange issues around Maria and it was an unspoken rule not to say the name. So why get a lawyer named Maria? Well, that is a story for later. 

The room was teeming with awkwardness as Shadow sat there crying out to Maria.

“Uhh anyway, Mrs. Maria come up and defend this shithead.”

“So we already know that Shadow has a real ID so he can’t be convicted for that. And is lying even a crime? Your honor, you lie all the time, you lied to Knuckles and Shadow and Tails-”

“I will not have this tomfoolery in my court! who's case is this, anyway?" Eggman scolds.

Mrs. Maria nudges Shadow and points to his chest fur. Shadow caught on and put the plan to action.

"Uh… Your honor?" Shadow caught Eggman's attention. Shadow winked and blew him a kiss.

Eggman looked flustered. "Wow, uh, thanks…" He cleared his throat in a stern manner. "Ahem, overruled."

“Did it work?” Shadow whispered to Mrs.Maria

“Uhm... I’m not sure.”

“Okay, it’s my turn now,” Shadow demands with his stern old man voice.

“Shadow sit the fuck down, I run this Court, not you,” Eggman commands but Shadow presses on. He has to finish this!

“Omega, come up here. I have to show everyone something. Notice how Mephiles has been real quiet since I walked in here. It's 'cuz I have something to show everyone.” In reality, it was because Mephiles was so fucking high he was just sitting there zoning out. "Omega show it now!”

Omega projected the images of Mephiles in the bathroom with his pounds of weed bags high off his grandma’s rocker.

All the idiots in the gallery gasped and Tails said "Coolamundo!"

“What! This can’t be!” Yelled Eggman

“That's right! Mephiles is a weed smoker! Weed is ILLEGAL!” Shadow shouts

“Yes, I am truly the highest in the ROOM!” Yells Mephiles.  
“Hehe Travis Scott,” Giggled Tails 

“That's it! Shadow you will not be locked up! Instead, you will have a weekend of community service, therapy for your obvious issues, and a $1,000 fine.” Eggman concludes.  
"As for Mephiles the Fart, you... uh… you have to get your dick cut off."

Shadow can’t help but smile, despite this being rather uncharacteristic for him. A cool smile because he is a cool dude not silly like Sonic.

“Wha..ah balls,” Mephiles says half there and half in his own weed induced daydream.

“No, your cock. Keep up, idiot.” Eggman replies.

“Hey, who wants to go to Carvel’s and get ice cream!” Amy yells into the crowd and the whole gang gets up to go get their ice cream treats. Ice cream was Shadow’s favorite! They all walk out of the palace that was the courtroom to the street. 

“How are we all going to get there if there isn’t enough room in Rouge’s SUV!”Blaze exclaimed

“I got this.” Says Omega in his deadpan robot voice, and turns into a short bus in an Autobot-like transformation.

"Oh, great, back in the slow coach..." Knuckles mumbled. Everyone boarded up. Shadow sat next to Rouge in a two-seater in the back seat like the cool kids in elementary school. This made Silver’s simp senses tingle, he was jealous. Soon enough they were there.

Shadow sat on a bench with his cone of strawberry ice cream with his resting bitch face. Knuckles sat down next to him. Shadow rolled his eyes and grumbled.

“Hey, I never got to finish what I said before the trial,” Knuckles says.

“What?” Shadow says curtly.

“I actually paid for your lawyer and I picked her out Sonic just helped.I felt bad since it's kinda my fault you got arrested in the first place.I picked Mrs. Maria 'cuz I thought you would like it.”Knuckles explains.  
Suddenly Shadow drops his strawberry ice cream. His ears droop and he frowns.

“Here, you can have mine!” Knuckles passes the cone to Shadow, symbolizing an olive branch. They finally got over their weird beef.

Today was a good day for Shadow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S This isn't the end of the story just the end of an ark so now they can get out of the court room.


	7. Extra Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something I forgot to add in the last chapter basically.

Everyone was sitting around enjoying their ice cream in the cool summer breeze. Another car pulled into the parking lot beside the group.It was a grey 2004 Honda civic with a million and one bumper stickers, some of which included Calvin from Calvin and Hobbs pissing on the Jeep logo. Along with the bumper stickers he also had golden truck nuts despite not having a truck. The car door opens and the driver steps out.  
“Hey look its the fat fuck!” Exclaims Sonic while he points at the now emerged driver. The entire ice cream parlor erupted in laughter at Sonic’s remarks.

It was none other than Classic Sonic. He frowned and his deep brown eyes hit the floor. He was used to this type of reeving but it still made him uncomfortable. Why can’t a pudgy hedgehog just get ice cream?

“Hey you know I’m just kidding little buddy. Come grab some ice cream.” Said Sonic and Classic knew that if he drove all the way over here he might as well get his ice cream even if everyone was at this favorite snacking spot.

"Wow you really didn't lose any weight did you?"Sonic continues and the entire place erupts into laughter once again.


	8. Big Time Losers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow is off to go to his first day fo community service but it doesn't go as planned.

Unfortunately, the trial took place on a Friday. This meant the very next day Shadow would have to get up early all over again to do community service. He got up and got ready. He went to his personal sneakerhead closet. He had the ultimate sneaker collection; Jordans, Yeezys, Nikes, Adidas, Offwhite and Supreme collabs. He even got his black and red Yeezy boosts back. But he did have a rival; Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog. They constantly competed in life, and sneaker collections and clout were no exception. 

Despite his expansive Sneaker collection, he put on his Rocket boots, his prized possession. His room was what you think it would be. Black walls and your stereotypical emo band and anime posters and shitty graffiti with Instagram caption quotes on his wall. He was kind of a metrosexual (it’s not what you think it is, look it up). So, he went to the bathroom to use a quill brush and hedgehog hair gel, but along the way, he remembers he has someone he has to wake up. 

Shadow was nervous. He had never been inside Silver’s room before. He couldn’t imagine what horrors awaited him, knowing Silver.  
He opens the door to the guest room to see a menagerie of anime girls in “lewd” positions plastered on the wall.There were multiple body pillows spread across the room but mostly on the bed. There were figurines on a little bookshelf Shadow provided. These figures were undoubtedly expensive, they all happen to be girls. Silver had a stack of DVDs and manga on the floor along with crumpled up tissue piles adjacent to crude “anime style” drawings. Shadow also noticed the smell of spoiled ramen and crunchy socks. The piece de resistance was a titty mouse pad beside his laptop next to a 60 gigabyte USB labeled “Homework”.

“Huh? We don’t even go to school,” Shadow questions. He moves over to see Silver sleeping underneath a Hatsune Miku comforter. Shadow slaps his pot leaf forehead.

“Oh, hewwo Shadow. You weady to go?”

“I guess... You sure do like anime, huh?”

“Hey, it’s not just an intewest. It’s my passion, desu.”

Shadow’s license was suspended and he couldn’t make rent, but Silver decided to let Shadow stay for a while if he could talk at him about anime. Shadow moved in quickly only to find out that Silver doesn’t live alone; Blaze was the real owner of the house, and Silver was simply her “little bitch boy” (as Shadow put it.)

Silver pulls up to the park where Shadow has to clean as his community service assignment. He skates away from Silver and over to where he is supposed to be and he is greeted by none other than Vector and Dr. Eggman.

“Vector? Eggman? What are you two doing here?” Shadow questions.

“Oh hey Shadow! I got convicted for two months but no one wanted to be my cellmate so they let me off with a slap on the wrist!” Exclaims Vector.

“Well hello Shadow! Turns out I lost my judging license 15 years ago so now I’m here with you guys.”

Shadow just grumbled as a response.

“Hey, uh Shadow? Why did Silver drop you off?” Eggman asked.

“That doesn't concern you doctor.”

“Don’t worry, I can answer that one!” the Blue Blur ran up to the group.

“One time I agreed to pay Shadow in Hooters gift cards if he let me ride in the back of his car and see the fine ladies on the highway. However, Blacky over here got carried away on the interstate and tried to race some old hag in a minivan. His tires were flatter than his dick and his license was suspended. I saw some nice tits, though!”

“Sonic, I was in the gamer zone! I had to pull off some sick drifting! You wouldn’t understand,” Shadow hissed.

“Hey, did you get any pics?” Pipes up Vector. 

“Hey, Sonic, what brings you to the park anyway?” Eggman asks.

“I wanted to see how Shadow looks put to work! Lookin’ good buddy!” Sonic says, only to be met with a glare from Shadow.

“Hey asshats! Get to work!”Says the overseer of the convicted.

“Hey! Let's spice things up! Whoever out of you three fills up their trash bags first gets my other Hooters gift card! There’s 7$ left on this one!” Sonic yells.

“I never back down from a competition because I don’t lose!” Percliams Shadow.

“Okay, whatever you say, buddy. Ready. Set. Go!”

And with that they were off. Shadow skates around the park searching for trash and litter about the park but it was all very well kept. He picked up some loose empty bottles or chip bags but nothing to fill his trash bag. He spots one of the park's trash cans when he is hit with an idea. He takes the entire trash can and sticks it in his garbage bag.

He laughs to himself slightly. “It's not cheating if you don’t get caught,” and with that he skates back to where Sonic is, leaving two trails of dead grass everywhere he went. Sonic sat looking at his wrist as if there was a watch in an attempt to look sassy. 

“Hey look who came out of the Shadows, it’s Shadow!” Says Sonic. 

“Sonic, I’m sure you're not surprised, but I already completed the task.”

Sonic looks into Shadow’s bag.

“Hey! You're not supposed to put a trash can in there!” Sonic says.

“What? why not?” Shadow argues.

“‘Cause its not trash, dumb dumb.” Sonic retorts.

“And how do you know that? It could be broken.”

“Hm, I guess you're right. Alright, you win, but let's wait for the others.” 

Sonic and Shadow stand around waiting for someone else to arrive. About 3 minutes in Vector clambers up to the group.

“Hey, Sonic! Don’t bother checking my bag, we all know I’ve already won.”

“No can do, Vector. Let’s see what ya got!” Sonic peers into Vector’s bag as well. “Hey, what’s this?” Sonic pulls out handfuls of burnt grass, several rocks, lots of sticks and a used condom.  
“Sorry, Vector, this just won’t do.”

“Aw man!” Exclaims Vector.

Then all 3 of them stand around waiting for old man Robotnik. Shadow takes out his android, Sonic sunbathes because he is the coolest and Vector stares at women while they walk past. Eventually they spot a huffing egg-shaped white man with a half-filled trash bag. 

“Sorry Eggman, but you're too slow! You’ve turned into a big time loser, doctor!”

“Not so fast Sonic! I put your mom in here so surely I've won.”

Sonic snatched the bag from Eggman and peers inside of it. 

“Wha! My mom’s not in here, just a stinky pile of trash!”

“That’s right Sonic! Your Mother is trash! Haha ha!” Eggman Laughs.

“Whatever Egghead, at the end of the day you're all losers. But I guess I’ll give it to Shadow since I like his outfit today.” Proclaims Sonic.

“What, like my Shoes?”

“No, your outfit.” Sonic winks but it didn’t make sense to Shadow because he was just wearing his gloves, inhibitors, and rocket boots.

“Well here's your 7$ at Hooters! Have fun bud!” And Sonic speeds away.

Shadow goes to sit on a bench and begins to question, was existence a mistake?


	9. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow runs into an old friend, it seems their lives are both at a low.

Silver pulls into a parking space. He was lucky Blaze was kind to let him borrow her car so often. Shadow looked out the passenger seat window, he noticed a familiar seeming car. It was the same model SUV as Rouge’s but he didn’t think anything of it as it was quite a popular model.   
“Well hewe you are Shyadow Senpai! I’m going to go to Barnes and Noble and wait in the manga syection ontill a pwetty giwl comes in!” 

Shadow exits the car and walks into the restaurant. He decided to go alone because he prefers to do things alone. He is sat at a high table and he struggles to get on the seat because he is only 3 feet tall, he is even a little short for male hedgehogs, but nowhere near as short as that chubster Classic Sonic. While he was on his phone waiting for his server he hears an awkward “Welcome to Hooters.”

Shadow lifts up his head to reveal Rouge the Bat in full Hooters apparel with orange eye makeup and all, ready to take his order.

“Rouge? You're working at Hooters?” Shadow asks, taken aback by surprise.

“Oh don’t be like that! After G.U.N. laid us off because of that human coronavirus thingy. I couldn’t pay the bills so here I am. It doesn't seem like you're doing much better, I heard you moved in with Silver the simphog.” 

“So I see we’ve both hit hard times, huh?”

“Ugh... You can say that again.” She says with an exasperated sigh. ”So what do you want to eat?”

“A burger.” Then he slammed his hand down to emphasize his point. “Extra rare!”

“I might as well give you a live cow. Want anything to drink?” Rouge laughs.

“Vodka. If I pay will you sit and catch up?”

“Sure shugar! I’ll be off the clock soon, I’ll go put in your order.” And with that she walked off. Shadow sat their kind of awkwardly. He wasn’t the type of guy to be at a rowdy chain type of restaurant but he had to pay Knuckles back for paying his bail, an agreement they came upon, and he had to use his gift card somehow. 

Rouge soon returned to the table with the aforementioned Vodka.

“You’ll have to wait for someone else to drop off the burger. So what’s new with you?” Rouge Questions.

“Well, I’m living with Silver and his mommy so that should paint the picture. I had to do my first community service bullshit today and you’ll never guess who’s there.” 

“Wait Silver lives with his mom?” 

“Close; Blaze.”

“Ohh I gotcha.” Rouge says with a wink. “So do tell, who was at community service?”

“Eggman and Vector. And Sonic was there to gawk at us. He even made us participate in this humiliating trash race, I won of course but it’s about principle.” 

Rouge looked at him with sympathetic eyes. Even edgelords have friends, Rouge may have questionable morals, she was still a friend indeed. 

“Things will turn up Hon, you are the ultimate life form as you always say.”

Shadow leaned back in his chair to suggest he was exhausted. He took a shot and slammed the glass down dramatically. He then leaned forward attentively. “So what’s up with you?”

“Ah well, I’m living so that’s a start.” She sighed. “Living in a studio apartment in the shitty side of station square that is. At this rate I’ll be picking up a roommate or two of my own. Maybe I’ll get Knux to let me stay with him.” 

“Why don’t you pawn off some of your jewels.” Shadow suggested without complete sincerity but, with most things nowadays, with an undertone of severity. Shadow’s voice is often deadpan against his will so the severity might have shown more than intended. 

“Shadow! I could never depart with my jewels!” Rouge says, now a little irritated.

“Rouge!” A full figured tom cat covered in orange fur interrupts the conversation. Shadow and Rouge have to look down upon the cat since they are seated at a tall table. The cat manages to place a nearly pink burger in front of Shadow. The cat continues “Stop flirting with a customer. You have to interview some scrawny broad in 15.” 

“But I’m off the clock!” Rouge wines.

“Rouge, you and I both know you need this job, so I suggest you end whatever this is with the handsome licorice hedgehog in 15 minutes.” And with that the cat is off. When he was out of sight Rouge rolled her eyes. 

“Hey, wanna tag along?” Rouge snickered. 

Shadow was at loss, he felt like whatever he did, it wouldn't matter in the long run. He was no longer in control.


	10. My Darling Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy interviews for her brand new job.
> 
> WARNING: Has some Shadamy but it's all a joke and probably won't happen again. Also some sexual harassment vibes, not very serious but fair warning for those who need it.

“Amy? You're applying for Hooters?” Rouge gasps as she enters the room. Shadow soon skates in behind her also with a hint of surprise painted on his face. Rouge takes her seat across from Amy and Shadow leans against the wall.

“Haha yup! I heard that Sonic comes by here a lot so I’ll be here a lot too!” Amy giggles. 

“So that’s why he had Hooters gift cards!” Shadow comments from the background in his usual crossed armed stance. 

“Hey Shadow! Are you interviewing to be a Hooters girl too?” 

“What! No, the blue bastard gave me some coupons for playing his reindeer games that I didn’t want to waste.”

“Hehe ok Shadow! But you’d make one cute Hooters girl!” Amy redirected her attention back to Rouge “Let’s do this!” 

“Um.. So you want to become a hooters girl because-“

“So I can make my darling Sonic fall for me! If he likes Hooters girls I guess I’ll just have to be one!” Amy beamed.

“Hey sweetheart, I hate to be the one to break it to you but Sonic comes here for the food not for the girls.” 

“Oh but I think he’ll be coming back for this girl after all haha! You know he only has eyes for me.” 

“Confident as ever Amy.. ptf,” Shadow pipes up. 

“And I’m going to get this job too!” 

“We’ll hold on, there’s still more questions.” Rouge continues “Like do you have any previous work experience?”

“Well.. I carry around a big ass hammer all the time, and I’m… Uh…” Amy realized she wasn’t very qualified beyond her motives.

Rouge caught on to this. “Listen kid, I don’t want to see you sad like that, so I’ll give you a test; Try flirting with Shadow over here.”

Shadow blushed. “Wait, what!?”

“I don’t know Ms. Rouge…” said Amy sheepishly. “I’m nervous.”

Rouge whispered into her ear; “Pretend he’s Sonic,” and Amy’s eyes lit up.

“Hey Son..Shadow! I know you run fast, ‘cause you’ve been running through my mind all day!” Amy says awkwardly.

“Wait, I don't run, I skate.”

“Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?” Amy continues.

Shadow’s ears start to droop downwards a bit “I don’t have a job.”

Amy laughs nervously. “Well, you're really hot!”

Shadow’s ears return to their normal perky state. “Wait...really?”

“Haha yeah, you know hedgehogs are my type,” She pokes him in his chest fur. “Especially fast ones.”

Rouge observes intensively from the side. “Nice going Amy! Make that boy blush!”

Amy pulls Shadow in closer by the waist. “Now I’ve got you my darling Sonic. And I’d say you’ve got me.” And she moves her hand downwards. With each movement Shadow becomes more stiff and uncomfortable.

“Okay, okay! Don’t sexually harass him! Listen, you got the job but I'll have to teach you something about sexual distancing.” Rouge intervenes.

“Yay! You mean it?” She instantly pulls away from Shadow, much to his relief. She hops around a bit.

“Ok sugar, I’ll take you in the back to get your uniform.” She mouths “go” to Shadow and he takes her advice without a second thought.

He skates to the dining area all the way outside. He calls Silver to come pick him up as soon as he's done.

The night was cold but not as cold as his heart.


	11. Enter: The Fart Sniffer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some old enemies are nowhere to stay, and things get ugly, quick.

As Shadow chewed on his burger he heard a car pull up outside of the restaurant. The doors swung open and a figure floated in wearing various Hooters apparel. 

“Well, if it isn’t the puny black hedgehog I knew long ago?” It was Infinite.

“Have you cleaned out the cum behind your mask, yet?” Shadow mocked him, still chewing his hamburger.

Infinite shook and balled his fists but refrained from yelling. “You shouldn’t be talking to me like that anymore, especially not here.” He adjusted his mask. “I’m the manager of this Hooters!”

Shadow munched on his food nonchalantly. “This burger’s real raw. Kinda like your dick.”

Infinite stomped on the ground. “Oh my god shut the fuck up-” He took a deep breath. “Listen here, weakling! I have plans to turn this place into a Femboy Hooters! How would that make you feel?” 

“A fewmboy Hooters?” Silver walked up from behind them with Sonic following behind him. “Bawns and Noble didn’t work out so well, can I get an interview Desu?”

“Silver, it's that weakass Infinite!” Shadow interjects.

“I'm not-- Ugh.. listen, Silver the Hedgehog, all I want now is to open up a Femboy Hooters. And you don’t need an interview, you’re the perfect candidate for the job.”

“Wyaw!” Exclaims Silver. “I’ve nyever had a job before. Sounds kawaii!”

“Hehe sounds like you bud.” Sonic says to Silver. He turns to Infinite. “Hey, Infinite, how come you’re opening up a Femboy Hooters? You gay or somethin’?” Sonic winks. 

“Actually I am bisexual and I am dating You! That’s right, YOU reading this story right now!”

“Sounds like you're off your meds dipshit.” Shadow retorts. 

“Urrg...” Infinite grumbles. “For your information I’m dating the avatar character, get it now?” Infinite says through gritted teeth 

“Whatever, smelly,” Shadow says.

‘Uh oh, Shads! Looks like you gotta up your insult game.” And with that Classic Sonic just so happens to walk by. “Hey watch this. Hey butterball! Glad we don’t have a relationship like those two, ey buddy?” With that Sonic slaps him on the tummy, he was wearing a nirvana shirt so it had less of an impact.

Classic Sonic frowns and walks out.

“You're avoiding the subject, blue hedgehog, I am going to take over this Hooters and there's nothing you can do! I can tell, you reek of fear. I smell it.” Infinite interjects.

“I think you’re just sniffing farts, Infinite. Are you a fart-sniffer? I’m askin’ if ya sniff farts.” Sonic asks.

Infinites’s blood boiled. “Shut the shit up, you gumball fuck! I don’t sniff any damn farts! I will fucking obliterate you! You’ll never amount to me if you can’t beat a dumbass bald guy for almost thirty years!” he begins to tear up.

Shadow interjects; “Looks like you need a diaper change.”

“Now we’re talkin’ Shadow!” comments Sonic.

Infinite screams wildly and socks Classic Sonic (who happens to be walking by) right in the stomach. Classic falls to the floor in pain and everyone looks on in shock. 

“Woah, party foul!” Sonic exclaims.

Rouge and Amy run over to Classic Sonic.

“Hey, are you okay, little buddy?” Amy says with concern in her voice. “We hate to see a valued customer hurt!”

The aforementioned Tomcat manager enters the room. 

“Girls, hello, I’m glad you met the new owner of this Hooters.” Says the manager.

Infinite interrupts “Femboy Hooters.”

“Yes, Femboy Hooters.” Says the former manager.

“Wait, we’re no Femboys!” Comments Rouge.

“That's right. I Guess you’ll have to find some other job!” Infinite laughs maniacally.

Shadow wished he had a job to care for so deeply, it was just another hole in his her he had to fill.


	12. Why I'm at hooters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just exposition really.

After last night's antics Shadow was busy recuperating as alone as he could be while doing community service. He was able to wiggle away from Vector and Eggman, not without a little bitterness mind you but it isn’t unexpected from Shadow so he didn’t think much of it. His mind was never quiet, he always has a whisper reminding him of his past. But when he’s alone, it’s different, he may never be completely at peace but he is as close to it as he can get. He can breathe easy as he walks along the paths of the park picking up whatever pieces of litter he manages to find. Despite the fact that he would never admit it, Shadow has a big heart with a world of love for his friends but at the end of the day he is an introspective introvert who needs his time alone.

He notices his phone vibrating in his pocket to the tune of “I am all of me” by Crush 40. 

He pulls out his Samsung Galaxy S20 Ultra in black, he refused to have an iPhone simply because the fact that Sonic had a product red IPhone 11. He was getting a call from someone under the name “Mama Rouge” with various comedic emojis aside it including Japanese ogre, Japanese goblin, and serious face with symbols covering mouth. 

Shadow picks up the phone. 

“Shadow! I lost my fucking job!” Spoke a distressed feminine voice.

Shadow’s vail of solitude was no more, he knew to buckle up because he was in for a ride. 

“... to fucking Silver!” 

Shadow had a flashback to earlier this morning. He was fixing his quills in the bathroom eating coffee beans by the handful when Silver met him in the doorway. 

“Hey Shyadow! You gotta huwwy up, I gotta job! Can I bowwo one of your sneakers, owo?” 

The annoyance from the “Can I bowwo one of your sneakers.” flooded back to him. 

“And it’s that stupid Jackal, Infinite! Isn’t he a war criminal or something? Shouldn’t he be in jail?” Rouge wined.

He was once again reminded of the headache that was the night before. Admittedly he wasn’t all too interested in the others current affairs, he was much more interested in insulting Infinite for pure entertainment.

“Actually I might be onto something! Shadow! Meet me at Hooters! I’m gunna grab Amy, we’re getting our job back!” Rouge says triumphantly and the call was over.

It was only then that Shadow realized he didn’t even get a word in. Typical Rouge… and typical Shadow. 

Shadow continued his work. Time passed, Shadow stepped in a puddle that was covered by leaves that got his new white Nike Air Force 1s dirty that caused him to shake in anger and throw his shoes on the ground. Then he realized how this action made him look and awkwardly hobbled over and put his shoe back on his foot. 

Eventually Blaze’s car pulled up to the park to pick up Shadow. He opened the door expecting to see Silver sat in the driver seat but he actually saw Blaze.   
“Surprised to see me?”

“Yes… aren’t you supposed to be managing White Castle?”

“Hey, that’s princess of White Castle to you. Well, I was so pleased with Silver somehow finding a job I took a personal day. Shadow you should really find a job.” 

The purple cat and the black hedgehog sat in awkward silence for a moment until Blaze was stopped at a red light and she started up agian.

“You know. Now that Silver has a job you are the only one in the house that is currently unemployed. I’m sure you have good prospects, seeing that you were a G.U.N. employee. Maybe you could retire early seeing that you are-“

Blaze was cut off suddenly by Shadow turning up the classic rock radio station.

Blaze huffed in annoyance and pulled in to the nearest off road which just so happened to be at the brand new Femboy Hooters. 

“Shadow the Hedgehog, you will not disrespect me in my own car. I’m sorry but get out.” 

And before he knew it, Shadow was dropped off in front of Femboy Hooters.  
After last night's antics Shadow was busy recuperating as alone as he could be while doing community service. He was able to wiggle away from Vector and Eggman, not without a little bitterness mind  
“Shadow!” Amy ran up and hugged onto Shadow. “You came to help us get our job back!” 

Still stuck in Amy’s arms, it didn’t seem like Shadow had much of a choice. He shrugged. I guess flaking and feinting sleepiness wasn’t an option.

Shadow only wished to seek solace in his own lonesome. But it seems even the simple pleasures don’t come easy to Shadow.


	13. The hoot at Hooters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Rouge to take revenge with the help of her friends, how you ask? They don't really know either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty long and dialogue-heavy, also look out for random references.

Shadow, Rouge, Omega and Amy stood outside of Femboy Hooters. It seems Shadow wasn’t the only member of team dark here against his will.

“Okay, here’s the plan, we will run in there and let everyone know that he is the one and only Infinite the Jackal who is a war criminal and try to rally everyone.” Exclaims Amy.

“And if that didn’t work we can always just lie!” Smiles Rouge.

“ROUGE LYING MAY HAVE SOME UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCES- “ Omega starts.

“Quite Omegan. Now the lunch crowd should be here so let’s go!” 

Shadow was already exhausted with this situation but now, at least, he could harass Infinite. 

The four of them stomped into the restaurant. Shadow took a quick look over his surroundings, he saw Silver enthusing about anime to some customers. He pitied them. Then a navy blue caught his eye. His rival was hiding his face with a menu in the corner being tended to by Knuckles? Shadow skated over to the table. 

“Knuckles? What are you doing here?” Shadow asks.

“Hey, it isn’t like you to be so nosey. If you gotta know, I lost my job because you got arrested. The manager didn’t like the comotion and I don't think he likes echidnas. Racist much?”

“Never mind that, why are you here? I didn’t think you'd stoop so low. Are you a femboy?”

“Listen, I’m no femboy, but between you and me this place is starting to get to me.” 

Shadow gives a “hmph” and snatches the menu away from Sonic.

“This looks like a date to die for, huh Sonic?” he sneers. Sonic looks back at him wide-eyed.

“Heheh.. Hey, Shadow. This isn’t anything weird, I swear. I come here for the food, you know that!”

“Yeah right, gumball lookin’ ass.” Shadow responds and Knuckles chuckles. 

“Now before you run, or skate off, what do you think you're doing here buddy?”

Shadow shifts uncomfortably much like the two boys he’s just confronted “I’m supposed to be helping Rouge and Amy get their jobs back, I don’t suppose you two could help?”

“Shads, it's a Femboy Hooters now, how are they supposed to get their jobs back?”

“I don’t know. Ask Amy or Rouge, they have this plan.” 

“Rather not! I don't want anyone knowing I'm here!”

Then, from out of the corner of Shadow’s eye he sees Amy running over. 

“Sonic! I knew you would come to support me! Why didn’t you return your texts?” Amy asks.

“Yeah, Sonic.” Smirks Shadow.

“Heh, guess I forgot.” Sonic glances to his dead phone.

Rouge walks over in a huff to the group conversing.

“Stop fucking around!” Exclaims Rouge swinging her hands to her hips and unfolding her wings to emphasize her frustration. Sonic leans in towards Shadow and whispers into his little cat-like hedgehog ears.

“At the speed of sound, right Shadow?” Sonic quips.

“Shut up Sonic.” Shadow says quickly, almost like an automated response. If Sonic had that tone of voice he wasn’t going to be saying anything of substance.

“Boys! Let's get this show on the road!” Rouge speaks with urgency and a hint of anger in her voice indicative of her ever-shortening patience, which is strange because she is one of the most patient mobians on the planet. She even managed to befriend Shadow’s dramatic ass. 

“Hey, that's my line!” Shadow melodramatically points his finger at Rouge in an accusatory style.

“Well you were too busy spouting edgy one-liners to realize that I stole it!” Rouge shifts her hips returning to her usual playful demeanor. “Now get off your asses and follow me.” 

“We want to make sure to see Infinite's stupid face when he reizes hes totally done for! Let's make sure he's here!” Amy pipes up.

Shadow huffs and pouts, Amy skips along, Knuckles drags his feet, Sonic finds his way to the front of the line and Omega catches on to what is about to happen and promptly leaves Silver to tend to himself. The suspicious party of multi-colored animals and one killer robot weave in between tables of anything from 40 year old balding men, families with kids, and femboys in booty shorts intended for women. They make their way to an orange door located next to the kitchen clearly marked “employees only.” Sonic, with his multicolored friends behind him, threw open the door to reveal Infinite with a pocky stick in his mouth with Original the Character at the other end lady-in-the-tramp style, only pathetic. Infinite bites off his piece and palms Original's face to move him off him nonchalantly. He gets up off of the cheap couch and adjusts his signature mask back into place to address the unexpected crowd but not before grabbing his trusty black and red box-mod.

“It seems I have company,” He takes a hit from his box mod in between sentences. Adding fruity smelling smoke into the room with every puff .”So what brings you into my office?” 

Sonic steps forward to assert his dominance or something. “I don’t appreciate you taking jobs away from these lovely ladies.” He wags his finger back and forth barely 2 inches away from Infinite's masked nose.

In retaliation Infinite takes his beloved box mod to his mouth and draws to blow vapor rings directly into Sonic's face.

“What are you gonna do about it weakling? You're just another bug for me to crush… With my impeccable business strategy.” 

Sonic looks on in disgust but then he curls his lips into a smirk. “Oh yeah? We’ll see about that!” 

Sonic turns to his group of animal friends and motions them into a huddle. “Okay guys, anyone got any ideas?”

“What about my war criminal idea?” Whispers Rouge.

“Oh yeah, that's what I’m talking about.” Then the huddle deforms. 

“Infinite! I’m going to tell everyone you're a war criminal!” Sonic Says while crossing his arm as his entourage poses in various fashions, such as peace signs, flexed muscles, and ominus back turning to emphasize Sonic’s point. 

Infinite laughs under his breath, his feet leave the ground as he hovers inches in the air. his laugh becomes more theatrical and clear as he ascends slightly into the air. 

"If you sincerely think that's going to work then you're a fool. The public doesn't care about the background or morals of someone in power. In their eyes all that matters is that I serve up good burgers and good asses."

“Awe man, you just might have a point there buddy. Quick guys, huddle up!”

Sonic and his minagrie of friends return to there huddle.

“Okay, so there might be a few holes in our strategy, what now?” Rouge questions.

“We could punch ‘em?” 

“Ah yes, a brilliant suggestion by the one and only genius, Knuckles the Echidna.” Infinite pipes up from the background.

“Hey, stay outta this, peabrain,” Knuckles reponds.

“Pea Brain? You're, you're calling me a pea brain…” Infinite grumbles in annoyance. 

“Knuckles, if we punch him haphazardly chances are one of us will end up behind bars. I'm not going back, I can’t go back,” Shadow chimes in.

The hushed voices continue to bicker so a new grey head of quills added to the mix went unnoticed. 

“Hey guys, did I miss anything, desu?" 

“Wait Silver, how old are you?” Knuckles asks in a slight accusatory tone.

“Why do yow ask Nuggles?” Silver taps his two index fingers together relatively while failing to maintain eye contact.

“First of all, don’t call me that. Second of all I was trying to figure out who's the oldest in the room.”

“Wait- Why? We where talking about Shadow getting arrested.” Rouge's face contorts into an expression displaying both curiosity and annoyance.

“SILVER, ARE LEGALLY ALLOWED TO WORK IN THIS FACILITY?” Omega asks with robot concern.

“I don't knyow, I'm onwy fourteen."

“What the hell? They serve Vodka here.” Shadow remarks.

“I think we got our scandal guys! Infinite uses Child labor in a mature work enviroment, besides his face isn’t safe for work any ways, amirite guys?” Sonic sez

Sonic extends his hand to offer a high five to Shadow who doesn't bother to reciprocate. 

“Don’t leave me hangin’!”

“No.” 

Knuckles misreads the situation and punches Sonic's extended hand.

“Gotcha buddy!” Knuckles smiles. 

“Close enough.” Sonic winces in pain 

The colorful group break away and turn to infinite. 

“Infinite! Your exploiting child labor!” Amy yells pointing at Infinite.

“And?”

Amy’s cheeks get red as her anger bubbles up to the surface. “That's- that's- not very nice!” 

Infinite grins. "I can smell your fear, child… As well as your armpits." He takes a hardy inhale through his nose.

“Ew!” Amy yells.

“That's gwoss!” Silver yells with his voice cracking mid-sentence.

“That's it! I’m calling the police. I used to work for G.U.N., you know,” Declares Rouge. She whips out her cracked iphone 6 from her pocket and dials 911. 

“You can't work for a gun, idiot. They're not alive," Infinite interjects. 

“The wrong gun… Idiot.” Shadow slightly smirks at his own joke

“Idiot? I’m not a fucking- no, Shadow, you don’t understand, no gun is sentient.” Infinite adjusts his mask and hits his box mod. “It seems I’m in a room full of buffoons, such is life, I’m used to this situation.” 

“Yeah, 'cause you're always alone with the Avatar you silly ol' clown.” Sonic giggles 

“Clown? Clown? I’m not a fucking clown, I’ll teach you something about being a fucking clown you stupid blue-” 

Infinite's rage was suddenly cut off by E-123 Omega shooting rounds at him with his big meaty robot arms. Shadow looks at the robot with both respect and pride, much like a father would after their son hits a home-run. 

“Rouge, Shadow, control your fucking robot!” Growls Infinite.

“I’m with infinite, it's time to put that thing on a leash!” Pipes Sonic.

“Don’t talk shit about my Omega!” Yells Rouge.

“Yeah!” Agrees Shadow .

“At least he's actually trying to do something! Unlike Silver over there!” Rouge starts in a defensive tone with Shadow nodding along with her words like her personal cheerleader.

“Hey I’m dowing Somethin! I’m being cute, uwu!” Smiles Silver.

“Being cute is my thing, Silver!” Suddenly Amy has her Hammer in her hands.

“Ya sure ‘bout that one Amy?” Sonic asks.

“I am sure! Knuckles, say I’m cute!” Amy yells.

“Amy, I’m just vibing!” Knuckles yells back.

“This is the last vibe you will ever have!” Infinite chimes in.

“THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF A VIBE,” Omega blurts out.

The colorful group devolves into an argument. Suddenly the police burst through the front door of the restaurant, push past the patrons of the establishment and gather around the aforementioned band of colorful characters. The police cast a shadow over the various members of the group being that none of them are over 5ft tall. The sudden absence of light grabs their attention.

“This is the police! Who are we arresting today?”

“It's not me this time!” Shadow cheers complete with a fist pump.

“Yeah, it's this stinker over here,” Sonic points to Infinite. “He though it’d be fun to exploit child labor and through a hissy fit when we put end to it!”

“Where's the children?” 

“I work hewe, but they say it's bad 'cause I'm onwy fowteen,” Silver answers while rocking himself slightly back and forth with his head down.  
The officers shift their attention to Infinite “Where are the grey hedgehog's working papers?”

“I… can’t give you them.” Infinite starts 

“Just wait a minute, I never need working papers for the job!” Says Amy.

“I didn’t need any either,” Rouge adds.

“Neither did I!” Knuckles joins in and the officers all glare at Infinite who is becoming ever more panicky.

“You hired employees without papers! That's it! You're under arrest!” And Infinite was handcuffed as he struggled to grab a hold of his box mod. He was led out with his tails between his legs along with Original the Character running behind him.

“We did it guys! Now that's payback for making me lose my job!” Exclaims Rouge triumphantly.

“Hey, Omega, did you shoot to start an argument to keep Infinite from trying anything?” Amy asks 

“...YES.” Omega says flatly.

“Cool!” And with that the gang leave the unattended Hooters as it starts to get looted due to lack of supervision. 

The members of Team Dark walk side by side as the restaurant grows further away in the distance.

“Hey Omega? Did you really have a master plan all along, be honest,” Rouge asks curiously.

“NO, I JUST WANTED TO SHOOT. I FIND IT FUNNY,” Omega answers flatly.

“Some things never change,” Shadow smiles.

“Didn’t you say lying had unforeseen consequences, Omegan?” Rouge smirks playfully.

“THIS WHOLE DAY WAS AN UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCE.”

“Fair enough.” Rouge answers.

“Rouge, can I get a ride?”


	14. Extra Scene #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonic grabs a bite to eat with friends

The local McDonalds seemed to be the only place in Station Square that still had any life in it at this time of night, not including the numerous strip clubs, bars and drug dealing hotspots. An azure, light grey and pink group of hedgehogs come out of a beat car. A red echidna comes out of the driver's seat and bangs the door behind him. 

The group enter the McDonalds.The place was mostly empty besides for a mouse mobian working the counter, a mix of mobians and humans in the kitchen and a singular chubby light blue hedgehog. 

“Hey, look who it is guys! It’s tubby! You just keep waddling back to this place, don’t you?” 

Classic Sonic looks along in annoyance. Can’t a hedgehog just eat his nuggies in peace without getting called tubby? Tails walks through the glass doors of the dirty McDonald’s play place.

“Sonic! Wanna come play in the playplace with me?” Asks Tails.

“No can do buddy, that's baby stuff. I’m too cool for that!”

“Awe man, what about you Classic?” 

Classic Sonic smiles and gives a thumbs up. He tops out of his seat and follows tails. 

“Wait up guys, I wanna play too!” and silver follows behind them.

Sonic, Knuckles and Amy sit down at a greasy under washed table. Sonic looks over at the numerous burgers, nuggets and fries at Classic Sonic’s table. 

“Jeez, how does he fit it all in there? He’s 2 feet tall!” Sonic says while nudging Amy.

“Sonic! Don’t be so rough on him! He’s you, after all! I don’t like anyone being mean to my Sonic!” Amy points with mild anger.

Suddenly Tails burst through the door.

“Knuckles! Help! Classic got stuck in the swirly slide while we were doing a TikTok challenge! You gotta pull him out!” 

“Oh alright, I’m on it.” Knuckles gets up to fetch Classic from the slide.

“Amy? Do you have Fortnite on your phone?” Tails asks.

“Ugh, really Tails?” Amy says while following Knuckles and Tails into the play place. 

Sonic was left alone in the Mcdonalds with Classic’s uneaten food. He glances over at it longingly.

“That little guy has no business havin’ all this food, I oughta take some for myself.” Sonic comments to himself. He starts to chow down on Classic’s nuggets. He was so into the Mcdonalds he didn’t see Classic Sonic staring him down with a scowl and balled fists with a nugget in his hand. 

“Long time no see, Classic. Oh, that look on your face, you're a cutie aren't ya? Did some of your food go missing.” Sonic picks up the 20 piece nuggets and dangles it above Classic’s head. “If ya want it, you're gonna have to get it!” 

Classic Sonic hops trying to grab it with sonic commentating. 

“Whoops, not high enough! Almost there, pal! Aw, you missed!”

The others grow aggravated with Sonic behavior. Amy puts an end to this display by grabbing the 20 piece nuggets and handing it to Classic. 

“Aw, it's okay! Here's your nuggets back!” Amy hands him his nuggets and gives him a hug.

“Aw that’s not fair! Classic gets all the ladies!” Sonic wines.

Silver joins the hug giving Classic Sonic a squeeze.

“...and guys!” Sonic continues.

It seems Classic had the last laugh after all.


	15. Bwddy Adventwe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow has to start getting his life together and Blaze has an idea for a first step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I haven't updated in 27 days, ugh. Well anyway, thanks for your patience! Not many people read this story cuz it's all for shits and giggles but if you got this far I really appreciate it :).

“Shadow, you don’t do shit, do you?”

Shadow was laying down on a run-down couch in Blaze's living room. The room was homely but in a comfortable sort of way, with throw pillows all over and pictures on the wall. Shadow was watching Sonic Adventure 2 cutscenes on a flat screen TV mounted to the wall. 

“Hold on Blaze, my part is almost here.” Shadow appears on the screen. The Shadow on the couch is visibly excited and he mouths along with the lines he says in the game.

“That blue hedgehog again, of all places!” he waits for Sonic’s line to be over. “Faker? I think you're the fake hedgehog around here. You're comparing yourself to me? Hah! You're not-” 

Abruptly, Blaze shuts off the TV in the midst of Shadows’s sentence. 

Shadow whips his head around to face Blaze. She stood there, with the stance of a pissed off teacher, arms folded and everything.

“That was my favorite part!” Shadow exclaims holding his fist in the air dramatically. 

“I don’t give a care, you don’t have a job, you don’t contribute to the house, you’re not getting an education, yet you call yourself the ultimate lifeform. All you’ve done in the past 6 months was get arrested, but, hey, at least you got off your ass. You have no direction whatsoever, what do you have to say for yourself, or this pathetic shell of what you once were?” She spits like venom.

He is stunned, apparent by his wide eyes and unhinged jaw. His only response was averting his eyes. 

“Look, be productive today. Go get Silver, go to the grocery store, get everything on this list.” She tosses a paper at him and promptly walks away. It takes him a second to pick up the paper. He looks more sad emo then angry emo today. 

He mentally prepares himself to face the stank of Silver’s room. He cracks open the door before opening it to check in case of Silver… y’know… blowing his own horn? Luckily Silver was not in fact blowing anything, Shadow found Silver kneeling towards the open door of his closet. Upon noticing Shadow, Silver quickly slammed the closet door shut and looked back at him with a guilty expression.

Shadow looked back at him and grinned. “What’s in the closet, Silver?”

“Uh… It’s nyothing, Shyadow-Sama! Twust me!”

“Yeah, sure, Silver.” Shadow narrowed his eyes. “Open it.”

Silver shamefully stepped aside as Shadow grabbed the knob. When the door swung open Shadow could not believe his eyes… The closet was covered from head to toe in imagery of the same mobian. She was a wolf with cream-colored fur and thick eyelashes. Among the many images she was often depicted with a black jacket, white shirt and black boots. However, many of the images depicted her with much.. Different clothes.

Shadow turned to Silver. “Silver... You might have a problem. Who is this person, anyway?”

Silver’s expression morphed from humiliation to surprise. “You’ve nyever heard of the Guardian Angel?”

“Uh… No?”

Silver’s eyes lit up. “Let me tell you all about hewr, desu! She’s reawy mystewious and has a supew-cool miwitawy job. Hewr weal name is Whisper, Whisper the Wolf!”   
Silver looked to the side bashfully. “I think she’s pwetty.”

“Yeah… Blaze says we have to go to the grocery store… together. She gave us a list, so let's get moving!” Silver trails behind Shadow. “Oh my gosh Shyadow! It’s a bwuddy adventuwe!”

Shadow sits shotgun in Blaze’s car with Silver in the driver's seat. They pull up to the crumbling ShopRite. “Why are we going to ShopRite? We could be going to the superior store: Costco.” Shadow pipes up front the passenger seat. 

“Why nyot?” Silver responds.

“Because… I consider myself a Costco fan, of Costco Wholesale.”

“Hai.” Silver brakes out in unnecessary random Japanese. Despite his acknowledgment of what Shadow says he ultimately ignores it and gets out of the car. Shadow grunts knowing he has no control over the choice of what's in store. 

Silver and Shadow leisurely stroll through the fresh produce section. Well, as leisurely as an edgelord can. Silver combs through a selection of bananas, eggplants, and cucumbers picking up each one to carefully examine it’s texture and shape. “Hey Shyadow, look at how small this apple is, so kawaii!” 

“Shut up.”

They continue to make their way through the store, finding their way into the cereal aisle. “Hey Shyadow, do you tink I’ll find any cute giwls?” Silver asks innocently.

Shadow looks at him with absolute confusion. “Wait.. you’re not gay?” Shadow asks.

Now it was Silver’s turn to be confused. “Shyadow, what? I mean, you’ve seen my woom befowe, I thought it was obvious.” He begins to turn away but quickly snaps back to Shadow. “I’m sowwy if that was wude…” 

Shadow was perplexed by this brief look at a more assertive Silver but quickly brushed it off with a “humph”. They continue to look at the cereal section, arguing over brands and flavors. Suddenly something catches Silver’s eye. “Is.. is that..?” His jaw drops. “Nani? It’s Whispew! It’s weally is Whispew!” 

Shadow looks on as Silver runs up to her. “H-H-Hewwo!”

Shadow rolls his eyes. “Uh... I’m gonna go find some hot pockets.” Shadow skates to the frozen food section, searching for the TV dinner area that might have his beloved hot pockets. He picks up a couple of boxes of the premium pepperoni & sausage pizza flavor then he realizes he doesn't have a shopping cart. He pokes around the store in search of a cart. After 15 minutes of aimless skating, he chooses to find Silver because grocery stores were never Shadow’s scene. The Radical Highway theme starts to play in his head as his search for Silver grows more desperate. He finds himself in the baby care section. “Hmph, Silver should go here.” Shadow laughs to himself until he remembers he’s lost in a ShopRite and Maria is dead. After, he is lost in the condom/feminine care aisle which reminded him that he is unfortunately a virgin. He goes to the discount movie bin to look at whatever trash is there when he finally catches a glimpse of a Silver hedgehog. He was spying on the same wolf from before through a separation in a shelf. 

“Shhh.. Shyadow, it’s Whispew the Wolf!” 

“Silver, let's get the fuck out of here please.” 

They hadn't managed to get anything from the list, besides "hot pockets" which was scribbled on by Shadow. 

Shadow seemed to do nothing and everything with his life. He felt that everything he did was in vain, when can he do something that truly made him happy?


	16. What the hell is an Eggporsche?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow has somewhere to be, but it's never as simple as that is it?

“Oh.. I’m gwetting tiwed of only eating hot pwokets,” Silver whines as he looks at his plate of pepperoni pizza hot pockets. 

“Get over it. I have somewhere to be.” Shadow rolls his eyes as he exits Blaze’s front door. Being the park's garbage man wasn’t the only obligation he had. He recalls Eggman saying “That's it! Shadow you will not be locked up! Instead, you will have a weekend of community service, therapy for your obvious issues, and a $1,000 fine.” in his head. It’s been about a week and a half since Shadow was originally arrested, today was the day he had to finally face his emotions head on and go to therapy. It sounded silly to him, but Shadow had a lot of anxiety surrounding going to therapy. A 2020 chevrolet sonic in blue pulls up in front of the house. He was sweating bullets as he got into his uber. He plops down in the back seat of the car giving a passive “Hey” in order to not be rude, but to his surprise he gets a "Shadster, my man! How've ya been, pal?" in response. Shadow looks away from his phone in horror to see his spunky blue rival in the front seat. “Where you off to, anyways?” Sonic continues.

“Shouldn’t you know? You're the driver,” Shadow responds with an irritated tone, indicative of his displeasure of getting driven around by his rival. 

“Yeah I know the address, but I don’t know where, y’know?” Sonic reponds.

“That doesn't concern you, Uber driver,” Shadow smirks.

“Hey, at least I gotta job, silly. Why ya taking an Uber when you could skate?” Sonic replies just as smug.

Shadow remains silent for a moment, then he responds with “I’m having a bad day… I’m tired.”

“Oh hey, this is an Uber pool ride, we gotta pick up our other passenger.” 

Sonic pulls up to a storage unit complex and out from the front gate unit emerges a short, light blue hedgehog. He sits in shotgun looking annoyed just as Shadow had when he saw who the driver was. “Hey what happened to your 2004 Honda Civic, chunky?” Sonic greets him. He’s met with a glare. “Oh yeah, whoops! Sorry ‘bout that one!” Sonic snickers.

“Oh yeah, you never really meet Shady-Poo, have you? Shadow, this is me but shorter and a bit hungrier. Classic, this is that black hedgehog I’ve been talking about, Shadow.” Sonic introduces the two hedgehogs while maintaining eye contact on the road. Classic turns around to face the striped hedgehog sitting in the back seat. 

“I’m Shadow, the Ultimate Lifeform.” and he extends his hand to give him a firm handshake. 

“He talks even less then you, Shad, he's too dumb to know how to speak,” Sonic adds. Classic glares once again.

“Sonic, that's called being mute,” Shadow interjects. 

Fifteen awkward minutes in the car pass. Classic decides to show Shadow what a Sega Genesis is. “So this is a Sega Genesis? I like the aesthetic, but the graphics leave something to be desired,” Shadow comments in response to a picture of a Genesis and its graphical capabilities courtesy of Sonic’s phone. Classic only had his flip phone. 

“Shadow, it came out in the 80s, dumbass,” Sonic says, slightly offended “Oh, yeah! You got yourself trapped in a fucking tube during all that, didn’t ya?” He continues with the same aggression. 

Shadow looks at him, both bewildered and insulted. 

“Oh, look, our next passenger!” They open the door and sit next to Shadow. ”Welcome to the Sonic Squad!” Sonic says cheerfully. 

“Hello, losers! Sonic, take me to the car dealership, I’m going to pick up my new Eggporsche,” Eggman states as he finally gets all of his massive caboose in the backseat squishing Shadow against the door simultaneously. "Please excuse my large, juicy bottom."

“Oh brother.” Sonic and Shadow comment.

“Oh, look. It’s Sonic, little sonic and black sonic. I guess I’ll have to be egg sonic.” Eggman states as all three hedgehogs roll their eyes. 

“What the hell is an Eggporsche? And why do you need one?” Sonic asks.

"It's my new egg-car! I am so excited to have copious egg-moments while driving it!"

“Whatever you say, Moustache Monkey,” Sonic snickers from the front. Classic sonic follows suit. Shadow just remains neutral. ” Hey look, it's your stop, Classic.”

The car pulls up to a McDonald’s parking lot. “Here you are, cheeseball. Lemme guess what you're gonna get, wait don’t tell me, a small salad?” Sonic says with Eggman’s belly laughing in the back. 

Shadow had pity on the small hedgehog. Maybe because he looked like him when he was younger or Maria or something. But whatever the case, was he needed to stick up for him one way or another. 

“You're one to talk, Doctor.” Shadow pipes up.

“Shut the fuck up you scrawny, black little rodent.” Eggman snaps back.

“I am the Ultimate lifeform, but you're just the Ultimate egghead.” 

“Shadow, remember what I said about getting better at those insults?” Sonic comments from the front “Wait is that? Classic? With all the ladies?” Classic was standing outside the McDonald’s with Amy, Rouge and Blaze. "And guys?” Knuckles, Vector and Metal Sonic appear with the group. 

“Metal Sonic? That stupid robot, I programmed him to be heterosexual!” Eggman yells from the back of the car. 

Sonic and Eggman pout as Sonic pulls out of the parking lot. Shadow leans against the window legs crossed and eyes staring out of the window. He accidentally manages to make eye contact with Classic. When black eyes met red, Classic gave Shadow a wink and wagged his finger. 

“Wa-what?” Shadow did not know what to make of this encounter. It sort of made him feel awkward. 

The rest of the car ride was mostly silent except for Eggman’s mouth breathing, Shadow going “humph” out of reflex and Sonic saying “Aw yeah” under his breath every time he turns. They finally turn into the therapist's office. Shadow exists the car as Sonic bids him goodbye with “See ya around Shads.” Sonic waves with a wink. Shadow was used to this behaviour by regular Sonic. “Sayonara… loser.” Shadow leaves with. 

Shadow walked into his therapist's office, the smell of shitty incense immediately hit his nose. He looks to see who is sitting parallel to an uncomfortably low coach (even by short ass Shadow’s standards). A purple figure steps out of the shadows, it was none other than Espio the chameleon. He pulls a red baseball cap from behind his back labelled “make america great again”.

“Welcome to my therapy dojo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More trash, Classic needs help, this is clearly an egg moment.


	17. Edgy Hedgey on the Loose!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow gets into himself into trouble... again. Luckily he has "friends".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer! I am not trying to mock conservatives or republicans, just trying to mock close-minded extremists. My intent is never to offend anyone, this is intended to be a "turn off your brain" sort of story and it (obviously) isn't very nuanced so I'm genuinely sorry if anyone gets hurt by this story or I come off as insensitive. I'm pretty sensitive so I know how it is lol. Feel free to reach out, always open to what anyone has to say :)
> 
> Also, the reason weed is such a big deal in the story is because its sort of a parody of how its seen irl. And Spongebob police morals haha
> 
> Thats all, have fun!

The chameleon sat down in a much more appropriately sized chair for their species' stature. After observing his hat closely, making sure it does, in fact, read “Make America Great Again” Shadow glances around the room, sizing the place up and down. He caught a glimpse of a “Don’t Tread on Me” flag laid out on a genuine wood table, right next to the healing crystals. And was that...? No, it can’t be… A confederate flag! It's hard to properly make out figures and shapes given the… ambient lighting. Every was set so meticulously to give the impression of a comfy worn in room to pour all your deepest feelings out in and then there's a trump hat that stuck out like a sore thumb.

“Hello Shadow, I’m glad to see you could make it. How are you doing today?” Espio questioned the hedgehog as he snapped back into the situation.

“Fine, and you?” The conversation was light and pleasant and Espios voice was deep and buttery smooth, like some sort of male phone sex operator.“Yeah, this isn’t too bad.” Shadow thought, easing into the coach but maintaining his cold demeanor, complete with his poker face. 

“So, tell me about yourself, Shadow.”  
“You already know me, Espio.” 

“No, tell me about you,” Espio pointed directly at Shadow’s chest “Your story, the inner you.” 

It was a joke to think Shadow was one to crack like an egg and spill his guts all over the place. It would take S tier manipulation skills to get past surface level shit with him. 

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you. I’m an Alien Hedgehog-”

“Did you say Alien?” Espio questioned, noticeably intrigued.

Shadow rolled his eyes at the sudden interruption. “Yes, I’m part Black Arms.”

“Black…” Espio trailed off deep into thought “Illegal Alien?” He asked, adopting a sudden, slightly accusatory tone.

“What?”

“Are you an illegal alien?” Espio repeated.

“Illegal? Are you referring to my arrest-” Shadow was once again interrupted.

“I won’t tolerate you polluting this country! I’m calling ICE to detain your ass!” Espio used his ninja reflexes to lunge for a phone he had located on that same wood table behind Shadow. Unfortunately for Espio, Shadow was quick in his own right and made a move. This ended in a struggle over the phone as the two fought tooth and nail for possession over the phone. 

“Let go of it, you greasy porcupine,” Espio spat.

“So we're using slurs now, are we? Whatever happened to detective shit or ninja stars?”

“So now you're trying to steal my identity? ICE is going to have a field day with you.” 

Shadow didn’t know what frozen water had to do with anything but he didn’t like the sound of it. It didn't matter, he never loses his confidence. He managed to tug the phone out of Espio’s gloves and with that Shadow sprung forward launching the phone at the wall with full force. It was evident it was broken by the nature of how it collated with the wall. The sound echoed through the small space. That didn’t dampen the effect it had on Espio when it fell to the floor and the damage was visible. The phone was beyond repair in all senses of the word. 

Espio lunged at the black hedgehog. The tussle had begun, they rolled around on top of oriental rugs, knocking and crashing into ornate singing bowls, vases, dream catchers and other things of that nature, breaking several in the process. While the confrontation was intense, it wasn’t necessarily violent. Shadow tried to adopt a pacifist approach to life after promising himself he'd never return to jail. A promise was a promise, but it's hard to maintain it when a barney colored chameleon is topping you trying to sock you in the eyeball. Shadow threw him off and pinned him on the ground. 

“Espio, what the fuck is wrong with you!?” Shadow yells.

“Now you're trying to get me to become homosexuall! Get off me, you creep!” Espio argues back. 

Shadow took a moment to glance down to note his position, when, with full force, Espio socked Shadow in the right eye. Shadow flinched for a second in shock, but then felt the blood rush to his cheeks. Espio managed to get free from Shadows hold, only for them to end up in a wild goose chase with Espio leaping over tables and roller over chairs with Shadows skating close behind. Shadow managed to snag Espio’s arm, pulling him down to where Shadow could kick him square in the back of the head. So Shadow did just that, one of his favorite things to do. 

Unfortunately, Shadow forgot that Espio was pretty out of practice because he ended up falling unconscious. The moment Espio fell to the floor, Shadow heard footsteps coming towards the door. Jail is NOT an option in Shadows mind. He moved the black out curtains so he could hop out of the window, nothing dramatic though, they were on the first floor. 

Once he was free from the dimly lit room, he skated to his little heart’s content, weaving in and out crowds and random objects that obstruct the way. There was something so freeing about zipping around feeling the wind in your quills...until you hear cop sirens. 

Shadow leaps into a crowd of people, hoping his height would disguise him. Then he realized this was the dumbest idea ever because 1. He’s literally 3ft tall and 2. because he’s black and red, so he tends to stick out like a sore thumb. Luckily for him he finds a large black trash bag off to the side so he goes and turns into a black little ball and just sort of sits there. 

A man in a traffic cone yellow shirt comes over and attempts to pick him up. Shadow springs back into usual anthropomorphic form with the man still holding onto him by the waist. 

“What the fuck-“ The man starts while holding Shadow up like a baby.

“Put me down.” 

“You don’t have to be rude about it.” 

“You picked me up without permission!” Shadow growls.

The man suddenly drops Shadow on the ground. His ass was now sore and dirty due to the drop.   
“Well what the fuck do I do now?” Shadow thought “I killed Espio or something and now the Police or ICE or whatever is probably after me.” 

Shadow's phone dropped out of one of his bent quilts and landed in his lap. This seemed to be a message from Maria above, which gave him an idea. Rouge owes me a favor, she hates the law, she can fly, let’s call her. 

“Hey, Shady! What’s good, Shugar?” 

“I need you to get me the fuck out of here.” 

“Why can’t you just chaos control, lazy ass?” 

“I don’t know how far your apartment is from here. Besides, I can’t let people see me.”

“And why is that?” Rouge asks with significantly more intrigue.

“I got in trouble with the law…” Shadow mumbles into the phone.

“Again? And people can still see you if you're flying.” 

“Not if you go above the clouds.” 

“Ugggh, fine,” Rouge relented. “but only cuz you helped me with the whole Hooters thing and also your my gay bestfriend.”

“Wha-” 

“See ya soon, cutie,” With that Rouge hung up the phone.

Shadow looked around the place, surveying everywhere he might find a police officer or someone that could be suspicious of him, like that one heterochromatic asshat from GUN. He was in a little area in downtown station square with open front stores and cute families walking around holding hands and such. It wasn’t too populated due to the overcast weather, which usually made Shadow quite happy. However, this caused there to be a lot less people to be present, removing a sort of built in camo. This was a disproportionately human place so Shadow was short for about almost everything here. He figured he might as well get a snack or something before Rouge arrived. He walked into one of the stores and picked out a bag of funyuns and a bag of fritos for Rouge. He tried to pay for it at the counter but he could barely reach it. He had to jump up on the counter but he got yelled at for having his dirty ass shoes on top of a counter. Shadow lost his patience with this day and just kinda slapped some money on the counter dramatically and left. 

Shadow teleported on top of the building waiting for his batty savoir. She eventually emerged From the sky, hovering over shadow.

“Hey hon, just grab onto my leg.” 

Shadow did as he’s told, hopping up and grabbing on to Rouges outstretched leg. They flew above the clouds, exposing them to the bright sun. 

“So... I got some news,” Rouge stated.

“And that is?” Shadow asked, still hanging on for dear life.

“Basically... Knuckles is at my place.”

“I mean, I can leave if you want to do whatever you have to do… with Knuckles alone I guess?” Shadow got awkward due to the nature of what he was implying. 

“You didn’t let me finish! He’s at my place but uh, he wants more than I’m willing to give… If you get me. You don’t have to do it, but you mind hanging around for a bit so I don’t have to deal with all the drama of spelling it out for his dense self.”

“Yeah, sure,” Shadow said flatly, he didn’t have much of an option anyways since Silver was at the local asian food mart “learning about the culture” and Blaze was managing White Castle. He wasn’t about to go skating around in an area where people knew him and an Uber ride was out of the question because, y’know, Sonic. It can’t be that bad, he didn’t mind Rouge’s company much after getting used to it from missions and stuff. Besides, Knuckles isn’t as bad as the blue asshole.

Shadow though about all these things as he stared down at the clouds below him. Completely tuning out what Rouge was saying.

“...I don’t know, It's not like I’m not interested. Just he's too much right now, I guess. I’m a strange bat, I should just steal some shit to make me feel better,” Rouge continued.

“Yeah…” Shadow agreed.

“You're a good listener, Shady! I'm lucky to have you around.” 

“Hmph. Thanks,” Shadow said curtly.

Rouge rolled her eyes as they soared above the clouds. Abruptly, she dipped down beneath the clouds, making a beeline for her destination. Shadow hooked his legs around her legs as a reaction to the sudden change. He didn’t want to fall to the earth below all SA2 style. 

Rouge swoops down, hovering over a balcony of a run-down apartment complex. She kicks Shadow off her leg. They both stand side-by side-when Rouge opens up the glass door covered by a curtain. “That’s weird, I never use the curtain.” Rouge mumbles.

When Rouge swipes away the curtain, they are met with Knuckles the Echidna hitting a bong while sitting on Rogue's pink day bed. 

“Knuckles! This isn’t Angel island! You can’t do whatever the fuck you want!” Rouge whispers harshly. “I’ll get evicted!” 

“Hey… you said you were getting Taco bell, not Shadow!” Knuckles points. 

“You're the one smoking weed in my living room! I can do what ever the fuck I want.” 

They both went back and forth. Going at it like a married couple. Shadow sat, watching and waiting, eventually going on the Dominoes Miku app occasionally commenting “oh, that looks good,” Or something along those lines.

“Ugh, shut up for a minute Knuckles, I’m getting a call,” Rouge picked up her phone that was blasting the song Glamorous by Fergie.

“Hello?” 

“Hewwo Wouge!”

“Silver? What’s up?” Rouge asks with confusion.

“I wanted to twak to a pwetty giwl!” 

“Ugh, now's not the time, Silver. I’m with Knuckles and Shadow right now.” 

“Knyuckles and Shyadow? I always thwought they were cute togethew. Like a yaoi.”

“Oh. Well I never thought of them that way haha...” Rouge glances over to the boys. Knuckles moved on to the couch that Shadow was on. Once they started talking, Roug takes the phone away from her ear, silver still talking, to eavesdrop on Shadow and Knuckles’ conversation. 

“Shadow, meet me in the bathroom in a minute, okay?” Knuckles whispers to Shadow.

Shadow gives Knuckles an irritated look in response but it seemed as though they were both in agreement that they would be in the bathroom in a minute. Rouge turned her attention back to her phone “Silver, you might be onto something actually,” cutting him off with her comment.

Knuckles walks into the bathroom with Shadow trailing behind. His ear twitched in response to...

“Shadow! Hey Shadow!” Rouge whispers. Shadow turns his head his head to her. She gives him a coy wink and sends him off with a thumbs up. He cocked his eyebrows in a confused response and Shadow sauntered in after Knuckles. 

“Shadow, for the last time, stop cockblocking me!” 

“I wasn’t cockblocking you idiot, you can do whatever you want to do. Just stop trying to blame me for nothing happening.” Shadow sighs.

“What about bro code? And Rouge won’t give me my first kiss since your here.” Knuckles retorts.

“Sucks to suck, she brought me here so I’m staying however long I like.” 

Knuckles started to get visibly frustrated, with clenched fists and gritted teeth. “You know what?” He said suddenly. He pulled out a point and a lighter out of his quills (I think echidnas have quills but I don't know). Knuckles lit the joint and once Shadow got the idea he attempted to chaos control away but to his dismay knuckles clung on to his arm. They materialized in the living room and Knuckles quickly took a draw of his joint and blew it in Shadows face. 

Shadow’s got to be the worst Ultimate Lifeform ever, because he just had weed smoke blown in his face, the highest form of disrespect. Damn.


	18. Shadow Gets Halloweened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *This doesn't coincide with the "plot" so it can be read whenever in the story*  
> Team Dark throws a Halloween party, it goes as expected. Also, this is a long one.

30 Days 'till Halloween

“This year we are going all out!” Team Dark had met up to plan their annual Halloween party. It was unanimously decided that Team Dark would be the one to host the group Halloween party, given their Dark aesthetic. They didn’t seem to mind, they, especially Rouge seemed to quite enjoy it. “I’m thinking 30+ invite list, crazy lighting, fog machines, the works!” Her wings involuntarily sprung open when she was this excited. They sat on the living room couch in Rouge’s apartment on the bad side of the station square. 

“Are we having it here? Doesn’t that sound too ambitious?” Comments Shadow. 

“Actually, I was thinking we could have it at the teen club we went to a while back. Remember, most of us are pretty young, we’ll rent out the whole thing, it’ll be great, sugar!” Rouge beamed with excitement. Shadow shrugged his shoulders as a response. He was personally more interested in the planning of the party, not the practice. 

“QUERY, ROUGE: DO YOU HAVE THE FUNDS FOR SOMETHING THIS AMBITIOUS?” Omega, on the other hand, didn’t care for the planning or the execution, but he did like to do things with this close circle of friends, namely kill and destroy. In his robot mind Halloween is a celebration of that, so this will do. 

“Rouge should pawn off one of her gems,” Shadow added with a slight smirk on his face, the kind that if you’d blink you’d miss it. 

“Shadow! Don’t even joke like that!” Rouge says playfully, punching Shadow in the arm in the process. 

“Or you could start an OnlyFans.” 

“Shut your mouth and drink your apple juice,” Rouge scolds, adopting a more serious tone with her words. Shadow does as he’s told and drinks the aforementioned glass of apple juice sitting next to him. 

“Don’t worry your pretty little heads, I may not look it but I am a world-class manipulator! I will find a way. Shadow, You are on top of food and decorations. Omega, you are in charge of scheduling and floor plans. And I am in charge of securing the building and the invite list.”

“AFFIRMATIVE,” The Robot salutes the bat.

“Hey, why do I always get up with the most difficult jobs?” Shadow says, his comments directed at Rouge in an accusatory tone. 

“You are the, oh, Ultimate lifeform, aren’t you?” Rouge matches his level of salt with her own level of snark. 

Shadow sinks deep into the couch, folds his arms across his chest, and turns his face into a pout.

“Now, now, quite sulking,” Rouge pinches his tan cheeks, which is met with an over-exaggerated eye roll. “ If you roll your eyes any farther back you might lose 'em in there.”  
≿————- ❈ ————-≾  
24 Days on till Halloween 

Team dark entered the threshold of the Spirit Halloween.

“They turned my FAVORITE Costco Wholesale into a Spirit Halloween! How could they do this?!” Shadow exclaimed with his monobrow in anguish. 

“Stop being dramatic Shady, it will be back in November,” Rouge pats Shadow on his striped forehead much to his chagrin. 

“THIS IS EXCESSIVELY LARGE FOR A SPIRIT HALLOWEEN,” Comments Omega. “I LOST MY FLIP FLOP.” 

“I’m sure you’ll get it back. Like Maria always said; there are many flip flops in the sea,” Shadow responds rather nonchalantly.

“Does Maria really say that?” Rouge asks in passing as the group enters the gates of the massive Spirit Halloween.  
“No.” Shadow responds.

The building Immediately conveys a certain atmosphere, one of which that oozes Halloween joy and intrigue. Some sections had many kids dressed in full-body costumes complemented by orange, dimly lit lights. There were other sections with fog machines and dramatic music or Michael Jackson playing. 

“Hey, guys, what’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One’s plastic and dangerous to play with the other carries groceries!” Rouge giggles to herself.

“Wait, Rouge, I’m confused. Does Michael Jackson carry groceries or what?” Shadow questions.

“HAHA ROUGE, THAT WAS A FUNNY JOKE. I ENJOYED IT.” 

“Thanks, Omega.” Rouge laughs.

“That was a joke?” Shadow asks.

They continue to walk in between the isles, gawking at all the edgy goodness. They soak up the atmosphere, they seem strangely at home in a store like this one. The group was busy throwing around faux severed limbs at each other when something catches Shadow's eye.

“Costco Optical! My home! Now it’s just filled with plastic skeletons!” Shadow wines, exaggerating his point with gloved hands.

There were skeletons upon skeletons all cramped into one small section in Costco. Some wore outfits and were posted in various positions and others were sort of draped carelessly. Shadow looked upon them in disarray.

“Shadow, I already told you, Costco will be back, stop crying about it. Come enjoy the Skeleton forest.” Shadow reluctantly walked through Costco optical with his best friend. 

Unexpectedly, Omega picked up the Shadow and turned him around to face him. Omega had managed to fit a Jeff the Killer mask on his head in an attempt to scare him. 

“BOO,” The robot exclaimed.

Shadow maintained his unimpressed expression, Rouge could be heard from the background cackling at Omega uncontrollably. 

“Oh wow, shiver me timbers, Megs. Keep that up and Shadow's gunna piss his pants!” Rouge continued to mock the 4ft robot for his outdated creepypasta costume. Omega didn’t quite get it though, he only held his metallic hand out in a thumbs up in approval.

Shadow glared at Rouge for a second and turned to Omega, still in his grip. “Omega, you can do better than that. Be like, something badass...” Shadow shrugged “...Now put me the fuck down Omega. Your hands are cold.” And Shadow was finally put down. The Robot promptly trots off to find something more suitable. 

Rouge giggles to herself, thinking “where do I find these people?” She had to admit though they made great company. She smiled inwardly at her unusual teammates. 

They move on to find the Edgelord™ section. You know that one part of Spirit Halloween that has all the corsets and leather human dog collars? That’s the one. Shadow sifts through the various items with wide eyes of anticipation, filing through the accessories. He stumbled upon a top hat suited for small mobian mammal ears. He knew what he had to do.

Shadow's eyes twinkled when he rested the hat on his head, and for the first time in weeks… He felt cool. He pinched the rim of the hat to tilt it downward to cover his eyes and said "Even a white rose casts a dark shadow." Rouge physically holds her mouth closed in an attempt to save herself from dying from laughter and killing her best friend from embarrassment in the process. It’s better that he didn’t know she heard that.

With a new pep in his step he vigorously sifted through all the items. His irises shifted from side to side sporadically to evaluate everything in the small section of the store. 

“Okay, look at Shady go!” Rouge taunts from the side giving him a knowing glance. 

“Shut up Rouge.” Shadow was in the zone. Used to this type of behavior, Rouge simply shrugged and grimaced, looking at the overly “dark” and “mature” themes of the items in the isle. Once Shadow had picked up a pair of black, purple and gold platform boots, purple gloves, and a matching purple cape the group had to promptly leave the isle because Omega had taken a certain liking to a silver chain on the claim that it could serve as a weapon. 

Shadow and Rouge managed to whisk Omega out of the isle, coaxing him with the false promise that he could play with a chainsaw later. 

Finally it was Rouge's time to shine as they found themselves in the other most infamous part of any Halloween store. The unimaginative-slutty-girl section™. 

“Shadow, what are you being again?” 

“A vampire.”   
Rouge hmms, glazed over her options. She finally settled on being a slutty witch. All she needed was the hat, she had all the other components at home. 

The three make their way up to the counter. Shadow dramatically slams his items on the counter, looking as if he's about to speak before cowering & backing away. "Rouge, I'm shy."

Rouge pats him in the head as she talks to the cashier with all her usual sass in her voice. They leave and start to walk back to her car. Something in front of the Acme next door catches Omega's attention. He notices an abnormally large pumpkin sitting outside the store. He impulsively picks it up and rams it onto his head. 

Rouge and Shadow stare at Omega, stare at each other, and then back to Omega in disbelief at what had just occurred. No context was given, all he stated was “THIS IS MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME.” 

“Can you even see?” Rouge asks with concern in her voice. 

“We could just carve some triangles for eye holes.” Shadow interjects

Omega staggers towards his teammates but he ends up colliding with some cars instead.  
≿————- ❈ ————-≾  
0 Days ‘till Halloween 

“Make sure it looks really cool,” Shadow insists through closed eyes as Rouge paints around his eyelids with silver, shimmery eye shadow. 

“Shhh, don’t talk, you’ll mess it up.”

“You mean you will mess it up,” Shadow emphasizes the "you". 

Rouge simply rolls her eyes as she continues to work her magic with her makeup. Today was Halloween and it was up to Team Dark to host the ultimate Halloween party. 

Shadow wanted to be a “scary” vampire and insisted Rouge do his makeup, drawing long white thunderbolts with a white eyeliner filling it out with white shimmer eyeshadow. He wanted to go extra hard this year with eye contacts that changed his ruby red eyes to a candy apple red. 

"I just feel like my natural deep crimson doesn't fit me right now. Today my eyes will be a vibrant rose!" Shadow exclaimed. 

“I AM HAPPY TOO, SHADOW. MY EYES ARE ALSO RED."

“But they're a different shade, Omega, look.” 

“Now I feel left out.” Rouge playfully pouts as she makes slight adjustments to the hedgehog's makeup. “Okay Shadow, put in the fake fangs while I get dressed.” 

Later in the afternoon, after they finished making themselves look “perfect”, they approached the club with a mountain of decorations in two shopping carts. They make quick work of decorating the facility. It was adored with color coded streamers, fog machines and plenty of food. Everything was set in place to be a legendary party. 

As Shadow and Rouge finished up the final preparations for the party, they hear Omega at the entrance say to someone "WELCOME TO WACKY WORKBENCH. ENJOY YOUR NIGHT… OR ELSE."

"I'm proud of him for following his script," Shadow tells Rouge quietly as the two go over to see who had arrived. It was Sonic, Tails, Amy and Knuckles all in costume. 

"Hey guys!” Amy greets Team Dark, wearing a strawberry shortcake costume.

"Didja miss me?" Sonic jokes, winking at Shadow. Sonic was dressed as a hotdog wiener. To say it wasn’t perceived as he wanted it to be was an understatement.

"Yeah, I did," Knuckles says, not realizing the question wasn't directed towards him. Knuckles was in a child’s skeleton onesie.

"Okay," Sonic says awkwardly.

"Do you guys have me on TikTok?" asks Tails. "Follow me @tailsmiles.prower92." Tails was dressed as Pickle Rick from Rick and Morty, which seemed to only make Knuckles laugh.

Everyone within earshot looks slightly peeved at this statement. 

“You used to be so smart, Tails…” Amy sighs.

“I-I still am! I need clout to pay for my inventions and Tesla stock!” Tails sputters. 

Everyone just gets quiet for an overdrawn minute. 

“Why is everyone standing around!” Knuckles exclaims.

Rouge turns on some banging music but nothing much is happening since no one was here yet. Rouge twitched her ears, picking up on something growing closer in the distance. She nudges Shadow in the ribcage trying to get his attention.   
“Hey, do you hear something?” 

“Besides the pain that is forever in my heart, no."

“No, but, like... Listen closely.” 

Sure enough, Shadow picked up on a noise, too. It sounded like a faint hum or buzz, but it gradually grew louder. The two of them rushed to a window and pressed their faces against it. As the droning slowly grew the two began to be able to make out the noise more clearly. From the obscurity rose a melody, a familiar tone which they both felt they recognized. Sure enough a backing base and percussion soon rose to clarity; it was music. As it grew closer it seemed to envelope them and the others seemed to hear it as well. Soon it was deafening, everywhere at once.

Then it hit them: Eggman was blasting the Sonic 2 Boss Music from his Eggporsche.

When the car eventually pulled up to Wacky Workbench, Shadow said "Doctor, you weren't invited!"

"Well it wouldn't be much of a party without me, right? Besides, I brought you a gift!" Eggman goes into his trunk to pull out one of many cartons of eggs and hands it to Shadow. "I saw this and thought of you." Eggman wore all white and he had the word “EGG” on his shirt to give an idea of what his costume was.

"Uh… Thanks?"

"Haha! But of course. I also picked up a chick with my shiny, new hot rod."

Blaze and Silver step out of the car. "I think he's tawking abowt me, wight?" Silver says. Silver was dressed as Hatsune Miku, complete with the quills on the back of his head tied up into ponytails. Blaze was a boring-ass witch just like Rouge.

"I also brought my son, Metal Sonic."

Metal Sonic steps out in a grim reaper costume and sheepishly waves. Eggman chuckles, saying "He's one of those self-proclaimed 'introverts'. What a silly boy."

Shadow can’t help but gawk with his mouth open watching this scene unfold. Is this happening? 

"Momma Bwaze said I'm too owld to be twick-or-tweating, so I came hewe!" Silver exclaims.

“Have fun tonight, kid,” Rouge snickers as she lightly pushed Silver’s shoulder. 

He recoils in surprise. “Oh my gosh! A pwetty giwl touched me!"

Meanwhile, during all the commotion of Eggman’s rather dramatic entrance playing out, Amy managed to slip away from the growing crowd. She made her way to the punch bowl where only Knuckles was sitting in the corner looking suspicious. Amy had a rather nefarious plan herself, she pulled out a flask and dumped its clear contents into the punch bowl. “Hehe...” she giggled lowly “...if sober Sonic can’t love me I guess drunk Sonic can.” She slipped away almost as soon as she came, her usual smile on her face. Knuckles was too engrossed in his phone to notice. 

After Eggman appeared, other guests came in droves in secession all in costume. The Chaotix, Vanilla and Cream, Mighty and Ray, all sorts of characters, invited or not seemed to be at this party. 

Knuckles could be heard mumbling to his phone in the corner of the room. “Dude, I need the weed,” Knuckles whispers. “Alright, but don’t make a scene.” And with that knuckles shut off his phone. 

Faster then you can say “I’m so fucking high,” A loud bang can be heard as the front doors to the club slammed open, sending a boom ricocheting across the room. 

Memphiles was the culprit of such a disturbance. A ghastly cloud of wispy, foul-smelling smoke seemed to follow him as he made his way through the room. "You have no need to call me, Knuckles," he said slightly smugly. "I can sense the plight for pot from miles afar." 

All the heads in the room turn to give Knuckles a quizzical look. He walks timidly to the front of the room and takes the small bag from his hand and awkwardly makes his way to the bathroom. 

Sonic manages to break the silence. “Hey, this punch is pretty good!” He waves some of his friends over “C’mere, try it out.” 

Sonic and co. were practically chugging the punch. Rouge had to run to the store to get more. When Sonic started to slightly limp rather than walk Amy gave him a devilish grin. 

“Hey-ya Sonic!” Amy walked over. “What’s goin' on?” 

“Sssorry Amy, feelin' too fast to talk right now.” 

“What the hell does that even mean?” Amy asks.

“Heyyy Shadow!” Sonic meanders away, drink in hand, leaving Amy frustrated. 

“Hey uh, Shadzie, wanna hear a story?” Sonic says propping himself up by leaning on a chair. 

“W-what?” Shadow says half keeled over in a chair with his eyes only half open. 

“Okay, so a few years back, listen to this. I-I was at a Halloween party and I said, I said to him 'Didja miss me, buddy?'” Sonic starts wheezing trying to finish his sentence “it’s funny, it’s funny y’know.”

Shadow peers up at him, lazily, sort of leaning to the side. He mumbles with tears in his eyes “Sonic.. that was today.” 

“Woww… crying in the club? Heh, talk about...” he seems to spit up the last part “Party foul!” 

Shadow sniffles. "Yeah…" 

Off to the side Infinite and the Avatar were sharing an “intimate” moment. They happened to be dressed as “each other”.

“A...another one.” Infinite says sleepily as the Avatar shoves a pocky stick in his mouth. The pair were sitting criss-cross applesauce style.

“No… another one,” And he gets more pocky shoved in his mouth.

“MORE! POCKY!” Infinite suddenly yells and then sort of leaves his mouth agape for pocky. 

Silver hobbles over to the two of them. "Heyy guys, cya-cyan I…" he starts laughing to himself. "...cyan I have some of dat pocky, pwease, uwu…?"

The Avatar managed to fall asleep and Infinite just sort of glared at Silver with his mouth still wide open. 

Silver just stood there for a moment, not really knowing what to do with himself but generally having a good time. Eventually he noticed a pole on a lone stage. 

"Woahh…" he mumbled. "I tink I saw a pwetty giwl dance on that on my waptop once…" Silver stammers over onto the stage. 

He stands addressing the crowd and claps his hands as loud as he can. He managed to capture some people's attention. 

He simply gets to work and everyone watching starts cheering wildly. Silver managed to do some tricks spinning around the pole. 

“Holy shit!” Rouge marvels to herself. “He can do it better than I can!” 

He continues doing what he does with the Rhythm of the music. Vector starts throwing money on the stage. “Oh yeah, baby! That’s the shit!” Metal Sonic follows suit making various robot sounds.

Creams cries in the corner. 

“Take it off! Take it off!” Amy yells to the inebriated hedgehog prancing across the stage. 

He stops his dance to take off his gloves and throw them to the crowd. They all scream in a collective hysteria, each fighting tooth and nail to grab them. 

“I WISH I COULD GET DRUNK,” Omega ponders while watching the hedgehog dance. 

“No ya don’t,” Rouge points off to the side, to Shadow looking depressed while Sonic the Hotdog sloppily told him stories he already knew. 

In the front of the club Blaze and Mephiles were engaged in a heated discussion. 

“Blaze, I didn’t know what I was saying when I called you flat. I held open the door for you, can’t I please fornicate with you? Just once!” Mephiles begged.

“Mephiles, you don’t even have a mouth… and probably a penis. Nothing, I repeat; nothing is going to happen.” She said sternly.

“Bitch.” 

Blaze turned on her heel. 

“What did you call me?” 

"So you're flat and you're deaf?"

The pair ended up behind the club in a full-on fist fight. Blaze had the obvious advantage since she actually had feet, something Mephiles lacked. 

Back inside the building, Knuckles had finally emerged from the men’s bathroom along with Tails. A “fog” so-to speak followed them as they glanced around with bloodshot eyes. 

Sonic was still babbling on to a hardly coherent Shadow rag-dolled on the couch “S-so I said to the guy, I tell ‘em 'I found you, fa'- KNUCKLES IS TAILS FUCKING HIGH!?” Sonic hollarded, losing his mind as well as his drunken stupor. Shadow also shot “awake” only to promptly return to his pervouse, bent-over state. 

“Sonic, it’s not that big of a deal,” Knuckles said nonchalantly.

“Yeah, chill out Sonic,” Tails interjects, giving Sonic a dreamy like expression. “If you can get drunk, I can get high, it’s only fair.” 

“Wait, wadda ya mean drunk?” Sonic questions as he looks over to his friends acting rather strange. They all had one thing in common: a red solo cup in hand. “Who- WHO SPIKED THE PUNCH?!” 

Back at the drinks and snacks bar, Eggman was up to no good. He had pulled out an egg carton like the one he gifted to Shadow earlier.

"Mwahaha, little do those fools know that I had spiked the punch with eggs! They'll be throwing up before they can say 'What the hell is an Eggporsche?'!"

Sonic comes fuming over to the punch bowl. 

“Eggman! You were behind all along!” 

"Yes, Sonic! You see, I-" 

Sonic flips over the punch bowl with a sassy smirk. 

“It’s no use, Sonic! You all already drank my egg yokes.” 

“What the…? But everyone here's drunk!"

But before that old Egghead can respond, Blaze busts through the back door. Ripping through the crowds. She sits down next to Rouge in the lap-dance section looking furious. She looks up to see what all the commotion was in the front. Silver was on a stage, hanging from a pole, taking off his shoe! 

Blaze marches up on the stage. “Silver, this is profane! Have you lost all respect for yourself?!” The crowd starts to heckle Blaze as she continues to stand haughtily.

“Oh, uh… Hi, Bwaze! I-I'm just dancin'! Evewyone seems to wike it.” 

Blaze grabs him by the spines protruding at the top of his head and yanks him off the pole. "Shyadow, pwease get my boot and gwoves befowe you weave, desu!"

Unfortunately for Silver, Shadow did not hear him. He was at the lap-dance section talking to Sonic.   
"Y'know, Sonic, I just don't know anymore. I don't think I'm going anywhere with my life and my future looks kinda bleak."

"Sorry, Shads, I don't have enough depth-of-character to appropriately respond to that," Sonic responded.

Shadow looked at the floor. "Damn…" 

People had started to head out but just as Amy reached for the front door handle…

“'Sup bitches! How could you have a party without the life of it; Jet the Hawk!” Screeched Jet with his band of rogues in tow. They dressed up as Team Dark; Rouge, Shadow and Omega.

“Uhh... Sorry Jet, party's kinda over,” Knuckles deadpans. 

“What the fawk!” He squawks. 

"Aw, man. Show's over, boys." He says, disheartened. "Let's go home…" They turn to leave revealing a rather disappointed looking Classic Sonic in his Nirvana shirt. He had his fists clenched in anguish. 

“Ha-hey, look who it is! The fat fuck's back!” Sonic collapses laughing at his own joke, gasping for air. All the other party-goers step over him to leave the building.   
“Wooah, party fowl!” Sonic blurts out.

“Sonic, you’ve run that joke into the ground, go home," Shadow says exasperated from the long, long night. 

Rouge and Shadow flop onto Rouge's couch back in her apartment on the bad side of station square. Omega sits patiently on the floor criss-cross applesauce.

“So... That was fun.” Rouge states.

“Yeah…” 

“Never again?”

“Never again.”

"NEVER AGAIN."

Little did they know that they said the same thing last year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shadow, Rouge and metal Sonic's costumes are the ones from Sonic Forces speed battle :). Omega's Is cannon but I forgot where it's from (Sonic channel I think, look up team dark Halloween to see it). Knuckle's costume is Shadow's Halloween costume from SA2.  
> Sorry the build up is so long, we wanted to write more "Days 'till Halloween portions" and make this a spin-off but life got in the way. Hope everyone enjoyed lol.


	19. The Bad Side of Station Sqaure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow's had a long day and it only keeps getting longer.

“Ah! Knuckles! He could get arrested!” Rouge yells from across the room in a sudden panic looking at the situation before her. 

“Good!” Knuckles sneered, showing his severity stepping into Shadow’s personal space. “That’s what he deserves. Actually, he shouldn’t be arrested for drug possession, he should be arrested for attempted robbery since he thinks he can try to steal my chances!” 

Shadow, beyond exasperated and only wishing for sleep, introjected “What the actual fuck are you talking about, Rouge brought me here and she’s my best friend. Get out if you're mad.”

Rouge rushed in between the boys, physically separating them before tensions could possibly run higher. “Please can we all just calm down? Why can’t we just watch Winx Club and call it a day?” 

“I would love to watch Winx Club with you, Rouge. If Shadow wasn’t here!”

“You disgust me.” 

Rouge could only pinch the bridge of her nose at this exchange. It was a preposterous thing to fight over and she couldn’t help but feel some uncomfortable sexual tension building between them that was making her uncomfortable, “Shadow, sweetheart, go take a shower so you don’t smell like an unwashed asshole. Knuckles, leave poor Shady-Poo alone, what has he ever done to you?” 

“It’s more like, what didn’t he do! See, I can be smart too!” Knuckles protested while Shadow dragged himself over to the shower. What he wouldn’t give to take a cat nap on Rouge’s lumpy, stained daybed if that stinky echidna wasn’t smelling up the joint. At least Rouge had the yummy smelling shampoos in her bathroom. 

Since Shadow had now been escorted off to the bathroom, courtesy of Rouge. Knuckles made himself at home while Rouge pulled out a bottle of red wine from that one girl on little women LA. She thought he was just playing Sonic Forces: Speed Battle on her phone or something until her big ass bat ears picked up on his conversation. 

“Yes, he was smoking weed which is illegal... short black and red hedgehog, really short… yeah get the muzzle restraint… the BDSM gear yeah…” 

The mention of BDSM caught her attention, but her fear of her ‘special box’ being found dissipated once she listened in to find that he actually called the police! Being on the bad side of Station Square, she didn’t want the attention of the Zeti tweakers next door trying to see if she finally sold herself to the pimp they were in cahoots with down the hall. 

She somehow managed to sprint over to knuckles in heels and smack the phone right out of his boxing gloves. “Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing!” She practically screamed at him as he scrambled to retrieve his iPhone 4S from the floor. 

But before he could finish the action, they were interrupted in their squabbling to have a fleet of police officers crash through Rouge’s windows with unprecedented enthusiasm. They both couldn’t help but gasp at their presence. The team had a menagerie of animal restraint tools down to tranquilizer guns and chain collars. Rouge would be turned on if it weren’t for the glass littering the floor. 

“Where's the perp!” The cops screamed at the two startled Mobians who were cowering on a stained floral couch from the 90s. Knuckles was the first to recover from shitting his pants as he pointed towards the bathroom door. “Over there!” 

The team charged the bathroom door, breaking and effectively shattering it into nothing but splitters. Shadow screeched in a shrill voice as the curtains were ripped away as he was scrubbing his ass. He feverishly slapped his hands between his legs to cover his non-existent genitals. Despite being put off by the smell of wet dog, or hedgehog rather, the police grabbed at him as he was kicking and screaming. 

“Wait!” Rouge screamed from the ‘living room’ portion of her apartment. “He’s not the one that you want! It’s the stinky echidna! He’s been smoking that Obama kush all night!” 

“Obama!” The officers gasped in unison as they diverted their attention away from the nude hedgehog and to the echidna who was trying to quickly pack up his fake supreme overnight bag. He couldn’t run, due to his timbs, so he tripped over himself as he tried to scurry off into the night. The Police quickly caught up to the echidna in the living room and quickly restrained him with a ball gag. 

“Don’t worry ma’am. This creeps goin’ straight to the slammer.” And with that, they pushed him out of the house leaving ⅔ of team dark to awkwardly stand in confusion after the spectacle. Rouge gave a sorrowful look at the mess that was made of her glass door, already imagining what her landlord had to say. She sighed when she moved under her bed to pull out the hidden tray of bud and rolling papers and then pulled over Knuckles’ off-brand bag, looking at her ‘gains’. 

“Well, I guess I better get to work. Somebody’s got to bail out his stupid ass and Jesus knows the Master Emerald’s not gonna do it. Plus, I could use some extra pocket money.” 

Shadow stretched in his still soaked state. “It’s been a long day,” Looking out to the setting sun. “I ought to go home. I’ll make it up to you another time, maybe steal some of that Obama Kush, sounds yummy.” 

“Yeah… long day is one way to put it.” Rouge mumbled, slightly irritated that Shadow wasn’t on the floor helping her pick up shards of glass. 

“Hey.. before I go, why was the police here?” 

“The pot, duh, why do you wanna know?” Rouge, still irritated and worried about Shadow staring at her ass, groaned. 

“I thought they were after me for killing Espio or something, guess they didn’t care ‘cause he was one of those Qanon people, probably.” He said rather indifferently as he wandered toward the front door. “Sayonara.” 

It wasn’t long before he skated all the way to Blaze’s. He didn’t even have time to fix his hot mess of fur or say good night to each of his sneakers before he was ready to lay his head on his pillow and pass out. It was just when he was all swaddled and his eyelids shut when his phone went off to the tune of caramelldansen. Knowing it was Silver, Shadow knew to pick it up in case he was trapped inside the Asian food store and couldn’t find his way out or something. 

“What,” Shadow demanded in his groggy voice. 

A squeaky, lispy voice came out of the phone. “Shyadow?”

“... Yeah?”

“Sh-shyadow?”

“Yeah?”

“... I don’t tink I’m bisexual anymowe…”

From the background of Silver’s voice, he could hear muffled panting and slapping noises. He could only imagine what was going on, but he didn’t want to so he didn’t. “What the hell are you talking about, Silver?”

“So, I’m- ouch- at someone’s pwace and- oh, my!- and I’m doing something and… Uh… I don’t- ah- I tink I’m stwaight, actuawy…”

Shadow couldn't comprehend what the actual fuck Silver got himself into. “What?” Was all that could escape tan lips before just sitting in pure shock. 

“Ca-can you rwescue, uh rwescue me?” He pleaded helplessly to his black savior. 

“What’s the address?” Was all Shadow could think to ask as he heard things he only hoped to forget from the other side of the phone. 

“Scouwge’s house.” 

“The address.”

“Uhhh... Scouwge’s house.”

Shadow could tell this exchange was a dead end. Luckily, Silver was a dumbass and always kept his Snapchat location on so he’d be easy enough to find. Shadow once again rose from his bed and slipped on his skates. While he was on his way to Silver’s Snapchat location, he decided he had time for a detour at the local Burger King since he hadn't eaten all day, nobody can resist a whopper, not even the Ultimate Lifeform. 

He wasn’t surprised to see Classic in the window. Classic’s shortness reminded him of who he was ‘saving’. “Hm, maybe I should get that kid a box of nugs, he had a rough day.” He thought, calling back to SIlver. He didn’t have much time to think, though as when he made his way to place his order, he had the displeasure of seeing a ‘friendly face’.

“Good to see ya again, Shads!” the cashier said to him, causing him to physically recoil. “Just couldn’t get enough of me, huh?”

“I would like a whopper, a-”

“Not even a hello?”

Shadow spoke even louder this time. “I would like a whopper, a soft-serve cone, a ten-piece nugget, and a medium fries.”

Sonic, unphased by Shadow’s sudden display of complete disrespect and indifference, simply said “Okay, bud!”

It wasn’t long after that he got his steaming hot bag of burger king. Just to be kind, he gave the sundae to Classic who, in turn, gave Shadow his happy meal toy as thanks. “A boys’ toy, neat! Thanks!”

After his run-in with the Sonics at Burger King, he finally made it to Scourge’s Brooklyn style townhouse in the better part of the bad side of Station Square. It really was a shame, he could’ve just gone straight from Rouge’s to here in a matter of minutes. He kicked down the door, ready to be re-traumatized by whatever was unfolding. He looked around to find that no one was there until he heard noises coming from upstairs. 

He charged up the flight of stairs, facing the door that was the barrier between Shadow and the elusive sounds. Once, again he kicked it open with a “wham”.

There, on a vibrant green, flame-painted racecar bed was Scourge and Silver. “The hell are ya doin’, dumbass? That’s money down the drain, fuckface!” the green hedgehog screamed.

Shadow was stunned to be faced with Scourge giving Silver a back massage. “This is what you needed saving from? I thought you were getting ass blasted into next Tuesday!” 

That comment was met with sobering silence and tension so thick that the women on the covers of Scourge’s sticky magazines couldn't hold a candle to it. After a few moments, Shadow interrupted the crickets, “I got us a ten-piece nugs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup I haven't forgot about this burning trash fire :) It's my brother's fault


	20. Boys Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow hangs out with the boys.

“A ten-piece?” Silver’s eyes lit up, he hopped off the bed & daintily skipped towards Shadow. 

“The toy’s for me, though,” Shadow warned under his breath as Silver gleefully shoved nuggets into his mouth. 

“Yo, can I get some?” Scourge said, who was ignored. Shadow took the liberty of taking the single whopper, much to everyone’s annoyance. 

Scourge started laughing with fries falling out of his mouth. “Y’all really think I’m dickin’ down this twink? Bitch, I’m a bottom!”

Silver took a break in between his nuggets to comment, “Shyadow, you tought I was… Uh… How do I put it… Making a baby with Scouwge?”

Shadow, flustered by the sudden contradiction, was at a loss for words. “Well… Look, I don’t know! It sounded like it, and you saying you're not bisexual…”

Again, the whole group was in uncomfortable silence thanks to Shadow and his assumptions. Scourge, after pulling out a bottle of hot sauce from his jacket, broke the uncomfortable silence. “You’d be a bottom, Shadow.”

Silver, desperately wanting to feel included but not knowing what was going on, cheered “Bottom gang! Woo!”

Now it was Shadow’s turn to be flabbergasted. “First off, Silver, didn’t you just proclaim you were straight? Second, I would be a top, not that I’ve thought about it or anything.”

“I’m stwaight but, wike, a bottom, you know?” Silver smiled and took sneaky glances at Shadow’s happy meal toy. 

“No, I don’t know,” Shadow responded half-heartedly, although he had the notion that Rouge would have a field day with him. 

“Yer a virgin, aren't cha, stripes?” 

Somehow, the conversation devolved from there and the small group were on their way to Burger King after a fight stemming from Shadow eating the one and only burger. Shadow was somehow both shocked and not surprised in the slightest to see the two Sonics still in the restaurant. It couldn’t have been less than a millisecond before emerald eyes met red and Sonic was already equipped with something to say to his rival. 

“Woah three times a charm, right Shads? Can’t be a coincidence, can it?” Sonic winked at Shadow, who grimaced at the gesture. He couldn’t fathom how he always ended up with the same few people despite actively avoiding them.

Scourge butted in. “I’ll tell it to ya straight, blue. We’re gonna need five whoppers or your ass is gettin’ a whoppin’!”

Sonic scoffed. “Big words for a bottom, huh? I miss your bed, but not that much!”

Shadow felt offended how quickly Sonic seemed to pick up new rivalries. What kind of fucked up history did he share with his anti-self? Did he also forget there are kids here, like Silver? He didn’t have time to think much more though, as Sonic never shuts up. 

He returned to his usual cheery demeanor once he directed his eyes away from Scourge. “Anyways, I’m off my shift in like 5, can I eat with ya?”

Before Scourge and Shadow could say no in unison, Silver spoke for them. “Yeah, okay, you can!”

They all plop down with Classic, who looked miserable upon seeing his older self. 

“Hey,” Sonic starts, looking directly at Classic. Classic glares back at him. Sonic looks to the side at the whoppers beside him and says “These aren’t for you, you know. Don’t eat all of ‘em!”

Shadow, fry in hand, dramatically points to Sonic. “Lay off him, Faker. He just wants to enjoy his food.” 

Silver butts in awkwardly, “Yeah, I just wanna enjoy my food too!”

“Shut up Silver!” The party cried in unison with the exception of Classic, but he makes his stance known by putting on an angry face. He soon pulls out a greasy Game Gear, & Scourge turns to Shadow. “So, I heard you got yer boyfriend in the clink?”

“Boyfriend? Huh?” Shadow asked, confused.

“C’mon, guys, Shadow ain’t finding a date any time soon.” Sonic butts in.

“Yeah,” Scourge continues. “Red, taller than your short ass, does weed, kinda hot, not gonna lie.”

“Knuckles?” Sonic asks, in slight disbelief until he thinks about the weed he smokes. 

“I think I may know why,” Shadow takes a moment to finish his nugget. “I was at Rouge’s earlier, and he was barking up the wrong tree if you know what I mean. Anyway, he got mad that I was there, he said I was a cock block or something or other. He tried to frame me but Rouge snitched and he got carted off, so yeah.” 

Scourge starts laughing so hard he almost pissed himself but he had to keep it together or else Sonic would never let him live it down. The other two were more concerned and Classic was invested in Sonic blast.

That’s when it hit them; They would, once again, be in court. Scourge was the first to speak up. “We alls probably gonna be in court tomorrow then, eh?”

Sonic rubbed his nose all sassy-like. “What the hell does this have to do with you, you booger.” 

Scourge scratched the back of his head, in the same manner, Sonic always seemed to do, which pissed him off further. “Well… let’s just say we’re associates. These quills weren’t always green, ya know.” 

Sonic rolled his eyes. Silver spoke up from the ashes of the awkwardness of Scourge and Sonic’s relationship. “Oh my gosh, we should have a sweepovew! The boys, wight, guys?”

“Hell no!” Shadow immediately interjects, but he goes ignored.

“Hell yes, baby! We oughta do boy things; Drinkin’ whisky, pissin’ in bottles, absorbin’ chaos energy, it’ll be a blast!”

“No! Silver, no!” Shadow yells, growing more panicked. 

“I’m down! Don’t have anything else better to do.” Sonic says as he snatches a nugget out of Classic’s hand. He goes to grab another one and the moment he’s about to take a bite it’s stolen from him, courtesy of Scourge.

Before Shadow could plan his next course of action, they were all headed to Blaze’s house with the exception of Classic. He was too young and couldn’t deal with modern Sonic that long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter is loosely based on that one scene in always sunny


End file.
